5dp1dt

June 30, 2008

The 2WW is interminable, isn’t it? ALL I can think about is…what is happening down there. Is this or that a sign? Are the progesterone suppositories playing tricks on me (YES THEY ARE!). I am only 5 days post transfer and since mine was a one day transfer I am two days behind. I probably shouldn’t feel anything yet, and if I do, it is all in my head. My boobs are so sore it is crazy, but I always get this way after I start my supplements, and both times I had sore boobs during IVFs I got a BFN. So know it is nothing to get excited about.

I watched two movies this weekend: Juno and Knocked Up. Hmmm, notice a theme?

I joined Facebook. I didn’t think I would ever do Facebook or MySpace, but my friend J asked me to join so we could play scrabble on line. FUN! And I found all sorts of people from college and highschool and other eras of my life. I could surf around FB all day. There are some silly things which I find just amusing but it is really cool to see what people are up to. Of course, inevitably I have found MANY people from highschool have pictures of their kids on their profiles and it stings a little. Everyone is ahead of me.

Yesterday our new next door neighbor had a wine tasting party. We were happy and flattered to be invited so I went and got a nice potted plant to bring and I had been looking forward to it for days. It was supposed to start at 4pm and I hate being the first people there, so I thought we would go about 15 minutes late. Well…that was a bad idea because they were actually starting right at 4pm. The neighbor actually called us to see if we had forgotten! How embarrassing. So I sent TW running over there and I just had to throw some shoes on and put on some lipstick. When I walked over, I said I got “stuck in traffic” which got a huge laugh since we literally live next door. But when I was walking up the driveway, I saw this car with a sign on the side that said, “Wines at Home” or something like that. OH GOD. TW was going to kill me. It was not just a friendly wine tasting…it was a wine SELLING/BUYING party.

This always really pisses me off. I find it completely sneaky and deceitful. The invitation we got (phone message) said that the neighbors wanted to get to know us better and introduce us to some of their friends. He said that their friend is an artisan wine buyer and that we would get to taste some unusual wines. I love that kind of shit (although I knew I wouldn’t be partaking this time around), and thought TW would enjoy it too (even though he isn’t as much of a wine lover as I am). So we happily accepted the invitation.

It turned out to be just like a Tupperware or Avon or Pampered Chef party, except the products were wine, wine glasses, wine accessories and gifts. There were 6 wines to try (while I was sipping water) and there was high pressure to buy. Like, “If you purchase a case today, you will get free shipping!” or “If you join our wine club, you will get an extra bottle the first month!”. And she wanted us all to sign up to do a wine tasting party in our own homes. The “host” came to the house for $60, and brought the wine and glasses, while our neighbor provided the appetizers and invited the people. The wine chick was so loud and obnoxious, told horrible jokes, and was in our face. And poor TW is pretty reserved. And for some reason she was picking on him and he was just shrinking in his chair. And she kept coming up to him with food and trying to make him eat it while tasting the wine, calling him out, asking him questions — he had daggers in his eyes every time I looked at him. She was really aggressive. TW only liked (and when I say “like” it is pretty generous) one of the wines. The woman did manage to sell a few bottles to other people, but the whole experience was extremely annoying and disappointing. TW and I had a good laugh when we dumped all of her marketing material in the recycling bin once we got home. If you are going to hold one of these events — be honest. We felt completely duped. Here I was thinking that the neighbors wanted to get to know us, but it wasn’t like that at all. That sucks.

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Just For Kicks

June 27, 2008

This is hilarious. It is so painful to listen to, it is utterly unbelievable. You must listen, and listen to the whole thing because it gets better and better. It is this guy leaving two messages on the answering machine of a girl he met, trying to ask her out…it spirals out of control. The guy is a complete a-hole!

2dp1dt

June 27, 2008

The progesterone supplements are already kicking my ass. My boobs got sore about 10 minutes after I put the first one in…I guess that is a good sign, that the meds are quickly absorbed. I got up to pee at least 8 times last night – no exaggeration.

My friend convinced me to start a Facebook page, something I have resisted forever. Boy is that stuff addictive. I found all sorts of people I haven’t thought of in a long time. I ended up playing on-line scrabble with this boy from highschool! Of course, I got another SURPRISE baby announcement…this girl I went to grad school with (we graduated in 1998 and lost touch a few years ago, but she came to my wedding in 2002) has her page up there with picture of her new baby, born last month. Last time I saw her two years ago she was completely single! How do these things happen so quickly – TO OTHER PEOPLE?

When I saw the page and the pictures of the baby, I completely burst into tears. TW is back (he got back late last night) and he reprimanded me. He said, ‘YOU are pregnant now. If you are depressed, your babies can feel it. You have to be positive for your babies’. It actually made me snap out of it. Last night when he got back he talked to the embryos and rubbed my tummy. 🙂

I cannot believe I am only two days into the 2WW. I took the day off today, I was going to work from home but decided to screw it. TW is home and we are going to have a nice 3-day weekend (without PT who is at overnight camp until Tuesday). Really looking forward to it.

0dp1dt

June 25, 2008

That looks weird, huh? Not many people have a one day transfer.

Things went well, painless and easy. We talked technical stuff like why they don’t do ICSI on all the eggs and why they can’t do assisted hatching on day 1. It all made sense and I feel better. I went straight from the appointment to my favorite fruit/veggie stand (locally grown stuff) and purchased some yummy ingredients for a smoothie: banana, strawberry, plain yogurt, fresh squeezed OJ. Had my delicious smoothie and then I went to acupuncture for the 2nd time today. Ahhhhh. She commented that she has never seen me so relaxed. And truth be told, I DO feel very relaxed.

I didn’t cry at transfer! I didn’t even come close. Crying was so far from my realm of emotions. I asked Dr. S whether they had any idea about the quality of the embryos, and he said that since they are only at 1 cell, there is no way of knowing. That actually made me feel better. Because I get so caught up on the labels. Grade this or that, number of cells, fragmentation…blah blah blah. I get fixated and stress out. This time there was nothing to stress about because we don’t know anything. I like this new approach!

So here is the deal: I have three embryos inside me now. This is the number they would have put in even if I had 10 others cooking in the lab. So I am in exactly the same place I would be anyway. These embryos are in the state that they would be if I happened to ovulate three eggs, my DH and I had sex, he had enough sperm to complete the deal and the eggs fertilized. This is how I am looking at it. My embryos don’t know that they came into being in a petrie dish (and the secret is safe with me for now).

So…I am officially PUPO. I feel really good.

Three’s Company

June 25, 2008

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OK…so I had to change my TV show. Yesterday there were 8 eggs, today there are three embryos. Talk about a big disappointment. They did partial ICSI. Only one fertilized out of the eggs they didn’t do ICSI, two fertilized with ICSI. One egg for some reason they didn’t even try to fertilize. But this is only a 37.5% fertilization rate. GAWD this is such a roller coaster.

They had a big debate over what the next step should be. I hate that I look so good on paper and then reality shows us that looking good on paper means absolutely nothing. Anyway, the issue is that assisted hatching cannot be done with day 1 embryos. So they were trying to decide whether it makes the most sense to wait one more day and do assisted hatching, or blow off assisted hatching and do the transfer today. They decided that today is the day.

I go in at 12:15pm and then head right back to acupuncture for a post-transfer treatment at 2pm.

I am trying not to totally lose it. Both times I have been through transfer I was in tears the whole time. I refuse to cry today. My embryos will be deemed Jack, Janet and Crissy.

Please everyone, positive thoughts.

Eight Is Enough

June 24, 2008

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I just couldn’t help myself.

ER Report

June 24, 2008

I am back. My friend H was a trooper. I thought she could pick me up at 10:00 but they sent her away until 11:00. We went to Saf.eway to pick up some Smart Water and tyl.enol (which I REALLY need) and came back to her place. She made me an english muffin and some soup, and I promptly fell asleep on her couch for three hours.

UGH. I am in tons of pain but what should I expect!

They got 8 eggs. I know it could be worse, but I always get so hard on myself. 18 antral follicles, 10 large follicles Sunday plus several small ones. What’s up with only 8? I think they only tell me about the mature ones because I know they sucked up a lot more than 8.

Tomorrow morning at 9am the doctor will call with the fert. report. and let me know when to come in for embryo transfer…either tomorrow or Thursday (or both). I am trying to squeeze acupuncture in around the appointments too.

Thanks for all your good wishes, thoughts, prayers, crossing of digits!

I will check back in tomorrow with more news. Hopefully good news!

Distractions

June 23, 2008

First off, I want to give a huge shout-out to Calliope for making my new header for me. Doesn’t it ROCK? I love it!!

I am SO distracted and anxious/nervous/excited. Tomorrow cannot get here soon enough. I am sitting here at work, but not doing much of anything — besides surfing the internet. I am completely addicted to this site. If you click on it, wait a moment for an ad to cycle through and then it will bring you to the live camera that is focused on a mamma lion and her 4 babies in a zoo in Norway. They have the lights on a timer so it does get dark over there at about 11am my time, so I only get to see them for a few hours in the morning. Sometimes mamma is nursing or grooming them, other times the babies are romping around. I saw the camera pan out the other day, and there is a door to the outside, so sometimes none of them are in front of the camera. The mamma is gorgeous and the babies are so cute I want to eat them. You should check it out!

This morning I talked to my mom. Ugh. It is so trying just talking to her on the phone. She talks on and on and on without even taking a breath. Then all of a sudden she starts saying, ‘HELLO? HELLO?’ because she thinks I have hung up or the connection was lost. But she talks so incessantly there is no way for me to get a word in edgewise, and that is why I am silent. I have stopped even saying, “Yeah” or “Uh-Huh” to prove that I am listening, since it really doesn’t matter.  Of course she did her “Remember so-and-so? Her daughter just went through two IVFs and they failed. But her other daughter had an abortion last month. Isn’t that ironic?” — WHY does she tell me these things? In the middle of my sentence she always interrupts and starts her own story — but I try to keep talking. It never works and I have to shut up. Then she says, “What were you saying?” and interrupts me again when I try one more time. She is a horrible listener; I think it is because she is always thinking of the next thing she wants to say instead of paying attention to what I am saying. Then my dad picked up the other extension and I could hear the TV in the background, super loud. My mom started complaining to my dad about the TV being too loud, and my dad told her it wasn’t that loud. Then my dad told me to speak up because he couldn’t hear me, and when I told him I was practically yelling, he got pissy. Then my mom asked my dad what he was watching and they had their own conversation while I was just listening to them bicker. Then my dad hung up saying he couldn’t hear anything. Next, my mom started telling me about her social life. She said, “Our social life has picked up right where it left off. EVERYONE wants to invite us to lunch or dinner. I guess we are doing something right. We are the most popular couple in the village!” Blah, Blah, Blah. Then she told me about this party they went to on Friday night. “We met so many really nice people. But so-and-so was SO loud and obnoxious. And his wife was SO wrinkled, she looked like a little prune. And she was at least 20 years younger then me; I am SO lucky to have such great skin. Everyone tells me how beautiful I am, and how young I look!” Blah, Blah, Blah. This is a typical conversation. Ahhh. The joys of phone conversations with my mom. 

Yesterday I went bra shopping for everyday bras. What a nightmare that was. Not pretty. But I did end up getting four new bras, two ivory and two black. They are the kind that “look great under a t-shirt”. All I wear is v-neck t-shirts in the summer. I have to admit, they DO look great under a t-shirt! MUCH better than my old, tired bras. I got the kind with no seams, no tags. And they have shape to the cup, almost like a little bit of padding. Totally comfy and they make my boobs look extra full and perky. How exciting! BUT the only issue is that they won’t fit in my undie drawer because of the poof in the cups. I didn’t want to smash them down. How do you store these things? I ended up hanging them up in the closet on hangers — is that totally weird? I also have no idea how to wash them…anyone know? Does the poof get smashed if you wash them? I assume I need to handwash them in WooL.ite and hang them up to dry…HELP!

UGH. So hyper and restless today. It felt very weird not to have any shots this morning! First time since May 30th that I had zero shots to do. I hope I get some sleep tonight- the clinic gives me a diazapam to help with that, then I can take another one an hour before ER. My friend is picking me up at 8:30am to take me to my appointment. I will post tomorrow evening when I “come to” after my sedation wears off enough. Wish me luck!!!

IVF#3 Update (after some other stuff)

June 22, 2008

I just said goodbye to TW. He is off to a conference and will be back on Thursday. I feel awful because he said he was going to leave at 10am, and so that was what I was planning on. Well, he JUST left and it is 12:15pm. I started getting antsy for him to leave. But now that he is gone, I feel sad. I wish I could make up my mind! I think it is because I am a planner, and when someone says how something is going to go, I bank on it. It shouldn’t bother me that he left 2 hours after he said he would, but it bugged me because he said he was going to leave at 10am, and at noon he was still here. Because it wasn’t what he said was going to happen. I wish I was more flexible, I hate that about myself!

Part of the reason I wanted him to get the heck out of here was that I had to start calling my friends to tell them about the appointment times/days. TW is very sensitive about who knows that we are going through IVF (thus the anonymous blog). He wants as few people as possible to know. He knows that my parents and brother are in the loop and a couple of very close friends. But I am a TALKER and have told many more people than he is aware of. Anyway, my friend H is one of the people he really didn’t want in the know because she is dating a friend of his. But H is the one that is taking me for my ER appointment! So I told a little white lie, that J was taking me and picking me up for my ER appointment, and then dropping me off at H’s house, who works from home on Tuesday. I told him that H doesn’t have a clue what was happening, just that I was having a ‘medical procedure’ and that I needed adult supervision for the day. He was fine with this tall tale. I don’t even feel guilty. I have to do what I have to do…but you know what? I should have just told him the truth. Because damn it all, he isn’t around when I really need help with this, and I had to find back-up. Oh well.

I went to the library and got a bunch of books to keep me company while I am “out sick” on Tuesday – Friday. I am really looking forward to relaxing! I went into our storage container to find my DVDs (how dumb am I for storing DVDs instead of bringing them with me to our temporary home!) but couldn’t find them. But I do have some fun movies DVR’d and also there is always pay-per-view. I also have heard that Netflix has a pay-per-view feature but I haven’t tried it yet — anyone out there using it?

Oh — I got a comment on my blog the other day — from someone named “Philip”. He said that he and his wife went through 4 IVF cycles and are finally pregnant after 2.5 years of trying, and that he would be following my progress. He included a link to a website. I clicked on it, and apparently he and his wife “Theresa” have started an IVF consultation business. They will do a free 15 minute phone consult, and then they charge $100 an hour after that. So, I think that his little comment was just an ad so that me and my readers would log on to their site and call them up. I don’t know what they could tell me that I don’t already get from: 1) my RE, 2) my acupuncturist, 3) my blogging friends and 4) Dr. Google. I mean, what makes them more expert than any of us? I am about to go into my 3rd cycle, I had 2 IUIs, and I have been trying for almost SIX years. I think I could open up a business like that as well (although I haven’t had my baby yet, so I guess no one would want to talk to me!). I just don’t know how I feel about this…it seems a little sketchy to me. What do you guys think? (And Philip, if you are back and actually reading, I welcome your comments too). Here is the website in case you are curious: http://www.ivftruth.com/ Now I feel like I am advertising their site — I am not endorsing it either way, but I am wondering what other people think.

Okay – here is the update:

Right: 23, 21, 20, 19, 17, 17 (and some smaller)
Left: 21, 19, 18, 15 (and some smaller)

E2: 3876

The doctor said that my ovaries looked “beautiful” and that the E2 was a “healthy increase” over two days ago. He also said that the E2 matched the size and number of follicles perfectly. I trigger tonight at 9:45pm and go in for ER on Tuesday at 9:15am. Whoopie! When the doctor was looking at me with the dildo cam, the nurse was busy so he had me write my own numbers down. He turned the light off and then said, “It may be a little hard to see while you are writing”. My response was, “I may have poor eggs but my eyesight is perfect!”. He thought that was very funny but then said, “Your eggs aren’t that bad”. Hmmmph.

Please let this be it for me. P.L.E.A.S.E.

Follie Report (IVF#3) and other stuff…

June 20, 2008

So, I managed to go two whole days without killing anyone or screaming anymore. Amazing. Last night I gave myself three shots of Go.nal-F. Because I had three pens with 75 units in each, and I needed to administer 225 units. So I figured I would use myself as a pin cushion so I don’t waste any of the amazingly precious magic liquid. Ouchie-Mamma.

Sutter is up to his old tricks, burying his bones. He dug one up and brought it in the house, but then he ignored it for two days. Then he buried it again. But last night in the middle of the night I heard a critter in the backyard (probably a raccoon) digging up the bone. And alas, this morning when Sutter wanted his special heat and pebble, dirt and sand, marinated marrow bone, it was gone. Poor puppy (but Yay, me!)

Anyway, this morning I was puttering (I am so good at puttering it should be on my resume…I could wake up two hours before I need to be at work and then have to rush to get ready because I putter so much!) and then sat down to my laptop at the kitchen table. PT was eating two eg.go waffles and a bowl of che.erios. I checked the time and it was 8:35am. She is supposed to be at her windsurfing/sailing camp (doesn’t that sound like fun!) at 9am. TW was also puttering and I asked him what the heck was going on…shouldn’t they be on their way? PT was sitting there licking her spoon. Come-on. It wasn’t a hot fudge sundae, it was a bowl of cheer.ios. But she was licking her spoon and she was still in her PJs. This drives me nuts — the slobs are also chronically late. So then TW says, “PT! Time to get dressed!” and she still sat there licking her spoon. I said, “God, PT. Even when you are super late you still move like a snail.” And she glared at me and got up, putting her dish and bowl in the sink (or course not the dishwasher). Then TW starts singing a song: “I am always late, because I am so great!” WTF? So I said, “OK, way to teach your daughter that being late is a virtue”. And his response was, “Great was the only thing I could think of that rhymes with Late”. OK TW, let me help you:

Ingrate
Irate
Irritate
Agitate
Aggravate

Hey – isn’t there an INXS song that could help him too?

See – there is no lack of words that rhyme with late! God, TW and I are so different. He can only think of positive words like “Great” and I can only think of negative words. I guess he is the yin to my yang (or I am the frown to his smile!)

Okalee Dokalee – here is the news on my progress for IVF#3:

Right ovary follicle count: 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 14
Left ovary follicle count: 17, 14, 14, 11 (and ‘several’ more that were smaller than 11…he didn’t count or measure them).

My E2 is up to 2057. They reduced my Gon.al-F dose from 187.5 in the a.m. and 225 in the p.m., to 150 twice a day. I have to go back on Sunday morning for another u/s and follie check.

Guess who offered to take me to my appointment for ER: My ‘friend’ – the one who gives all the advice? The one that is 4.5 months pregnant? NO FREAKING THANKS! I do have two lovely friends, J1 and H who are “on call”. It is so hard being a planner with IVF. TW is going to be out of town 6/22-26 which of course is exactly when I would need him. So if I have to go in on Monday, J1 is going to help. On Tuesday it will be H and if it is on Wednesday, H and J1 will share. I am totally covered, and I am so grateful for having such great friends! AND I am going to take Tuesday – Friday off from work! YAY!!!