The Three Hour Wait (14dp1dt)

I am sad I posted such a negative post yesterday. Now I am not feeling negative, I am not feeling positive, I am just ANXIOUS and on PINS AND NEEDLES!  I just want to know, either way, so I can go on with my life. They took my blood at 8:30 (Pacific time) this morning and I should get a call by Noon-1pm. I will post immediately when I find out!

I had a HUGE distraction the last two days. TW’s sister e-mailed him basically telling us that her daughter (almost 18, stripper type dangly belly-ring, tattoo “whore stamp”, tons of make-up, HUGE boobs that she shows off every minute of every day, smokes pot, gets drunk, hangs out with gangsters) is MOVING IN WITH US for two years. WTF? She didn’t ask us, she just TOLD us. Oh – and she didn’t tell ME, she only told TW. I went so ballistic, I am surprised that China didn’t think there was another earthquake! TW is so non-confrontational, he didn’t know what to do. I was so scared he was going to cave. SIL even had the gall to tell him that if he didn’t agree to it, HE was ruining their relationship forever. She tried to convince us that the daughter “is a good girl”, evidenced by the fact that she always comes home by her 1am curfew. I am sorry but a 1am curfew would not work with our lifestyle! And do I want to share my brand new house the minute we move in? I THINK NOT. There are so many things wrong with this scenario that I don’t even know where to start, or how to end.

Supposedly (SIL is a big liar) they are in financial trouble and they want TW’s niece to move in with us to go to junior college by our house. So that they don’t have to support her. WTF!!! If this was truly the case, and they had half a brain, they would have called a family meeting to plead their case. And we would have had time to think about it, and they would have understood whether we said “yes” or “no”. But this is not how it played out. They just did it via e-mail. The e-mail basically had a move-in date, the date of her JC orientation, and the first day of class. We were totally blind sided. Then SIL had the nerve to say, “OH! I thought this was already all worked out!” when TW said it was the first he heard of it. In any event, TW stood his ground. And SIL tried to manipulate him and guilt him and play every trick in the book. TW called his dad, and luckily his dad was totally on my side and told TW that he should not do it. And he didn’t cave (most likely because I told him I would hire a divorce lawyer if the little b**** moved in with us!). If she is so great, why doesn’t SIL want her around anymore? Anyway, I really didn’t need this stress during my 2WW. But it sure did take my mind off the impending beta! And if you ask me, ruining the relationship between us and SIL is an added bonus.

Distractions

First off, I want to give a huge shout-out to Calliope for making my new header for me. Doesn’t it ROCK? I love it!!

I am SO distracted and anxious/nervous/excited. Tomorrow cannot get here soon enough. I am sitting here at work, but not doing much of anything — besides surfing the internet. I am completely addicted to this site. If you click on it, wait a moment for an ad to cycle through and then it will bring you to the live camera that is focused on a mamma lion and her 4 babies in a zoo in Norway. They have the lights on a timer so it does get dark over there at about 11am my time, so I only get to see them for a few hours in the morning. Sometimes mamma is nursing or grooming them, other times the babies are romping around. I saw the camera pan out the other day, and there is a door to the outside, so sometimes none of them are in front of the camera. The mamma is gorgeous and the babies are so cute I want to eat them. You should check it out!

This morning I talked to my mom. Ugh. It is so trying just talking to her on the phone. She talks on and on and on without even taking a breath. Then all of a sudden she starts saying, ‘HELLO? HELLO?’ because she thinks I have hung up or the connection was lost. But she talks so incessantly there is no way for me to get a word in edgewise, and that is why I am silent. I have stopped even saying, “Yeah” or “Uh-Huh” to prove that I am listening, since it really doesn’t matter.  Of course she did her “Remember so-and-so? Her daughter just went through two IVFs and they failed. But her other daughter had an abortion last month. Isn’t that ironic?” — WHY does she tell me these things? In the middle of my sentence she always interrupts and starts her own story — but I try to keep talking. It never works and I have to shut up. Then she says, “What were you saying?” and interrupts me again when I try one more time. She is a horrible listener; I think it is because she is always thinking of the next thing she wants to say instead of paying attention to what I am saying. Then my dad picked up the other extension and I could hear the TV in the background, super loud. My mom started complaining to my dad about the TV being too loud, and my dad told her it wasn’t that loud. Then my dad told me to speak up because he couldn’t hear me, and when I told him I was practically yelling, he got pissy. Then my mom asked my dad what he was watching and they had their own conversation while I was just listening to them bicker. Then my dad hung up saying he couldn’t hear anything. Next, my mom started telling me about her social life. She said, “Our social life has picked up right where it left off. EVERYONE wants to invite us to lunch or dinner. I guess we are doing something right. We are the most popular couple in the village!” Blah, Blah, Blah. Then she told me about this party they went to on Friday night. “We met so many really nice people. But so-and-so was SO loud and obnoxious. And his wife was SO wrinkled, she looked like a little prune. And she was at least 20 years younger then me; I am SO lucky to have such great skin. Everyone tells me how beautiful I am, and how young I look!” Blah, Blah, Blah. This is a typical conversation. Ahhh. The joys of phone conversations with my mom. 

Yesterday I went bra shopping for everyday bras. What a nightmare that was. Not pretty. But I did end up getting four new bras, two ivory and two black. They are the kind that “look great under a t-shirt”. All I wear is v-neck t-shirts in the summer. I have to admit, they DO look great under a t-shirt! MUCH better than my old, tired bras. I got the kind with no seams, no tags. And they have shape to the cup, almost like a little bit of padding. Totally comfy and they make my boobs look extra full and perky. How exciting! BUT the only issue is that they won’t fit in my undie drawer because of the poof in the cups. I didn’t want to smash them down. How do you store these things? I ended up hanging them up in the closet on hangers — is that totally weird? I also have no idea how to wash them…anyone know? Does the poof get smashed if you wash them? I assume I need to handwash them in WooL.ite and hang them up to dry…HELP!

UGH. So hyper and restless today. It felt very weird not to have any shots this morning! First time since May 30th that I had zero shots to do. I hope I get some sleep tonight- the clinic gives me a diazapam to help with that, then I can take another one an hour before ER. My friend is picking me up at 8:30am to take me to my appointment. I will post tomorrow evening when I “come to” after my sedation wears off enough. Wish me luck!!!

Surprise!

My brother is here. We decided to surprise our mom. He told me about a month ago that he was coming out here to see his friend G who lives 2 hours from me, and they were going to a motorcycle show about 40 minutes from me. So — he wasn’t really coming to see US, he was coming to see G and motorcycles and making a side trip to see us. He NEVER comes to see us. The last time he came, was before my doggie Cleo died of cancer — she had been through radiation and chemo to no avail…I had just gone through two failed IUIs and I was having a really rough time. Cleo was given a clean bill of health and 5 days after her last treatment, I checked her throat (she had oral melanoma) and I could see that the tumors were growing back with a vengeance.  There was nothing more we could do. My brother’s ‘wife’ sent him to see me. I am certain it wasn’t his idea — he would NEVER think of it. But I talked to my SIL and then two days later my brother called to say he was coming to visit…then it was the SIL that bought the plane tix, etc.

Anyway, that was about a year and a half ago. My brother lives in NYC with his evil “wife” (I put it in quotes because they never got married but had a huge “commitment ceremony” that looked so much like a wedding, I am sure half of the guests were fooled). He claims he doesn’t have enough vacation time to come out here, but (for example) they were just in New Orleans for Jazz Fest and later this month they are going to the Galapagos islands for 9 days (SO JEALOUS!). They were in Costa Rica for New Years and France last Thanksgiving. SO….anyway…

My brother isn’t into family. He is childless by choice (his wife — not so much). He told his wife when they were first dating that he NEVER wanted kids. She thought he would change his mind. She is now 43 and I think has finally come to terms that kids are not in her future. But she stayed with him knowingly — she KNEW that he didn’t want kids. There were a handful of years where I was waiting for a big announcement that she was pregnant…I really thought she was have an “ooops” on purpose. But it hasn’t happened and now that she is turning 44 pretty soon, I seriously doubt it will happen (well, with my luck it may still happen). I don’t know how she got past it. For the first 3 or 4 years she talked about kids constantly — she would say she dreamt she was pregnant, and at one point she was researching adoption until my brother said, ‘DUH…I don’t want kids!’ I don’t think I would have married TW if he told me straight up that he didn’t want kids. It would have been a deal breaker. That is all moot now, of course…but anyway.

I invited my parents over for dinner a month ago. They are here from France until mid-June and they are such social butterflies it is almost impossible to get an “appointment” with them. After my brother called to say he would be in town, I called my dad and we conived about surprising my mom. So my dad was in on it. Yesterday was the big day. My brother’s friend G drove him down from the motorcycle show, and he arrived at about 4pm. I made a big dinner – turkey and 3-bean chili, cornbread, home made caesar salad, home-made guac and salsa, and we had all the fixin’s like sour cream, cheese, chopped onion, cilantro. And for dessert I made this chocolate truffle cake, but I drizzled it with raspberry jam and sprinkled tons of slivered almonds and fresh raspberries on top. Ugh, if you look at the recipe…it is no wonder I have gained 5 pounds in the last few months!!!

So my brother arrived and we drank some beers and hung out, finishing dinner. Then my mom and dad arrived at around 7pm. I hid my brother in the back room and sat my parents down with a drink. Then I said, “Oh! Mom — I have an early mother’s day present for you! Wait one sec” and I went to get my brother. I pushed him into the room and BOY was my mom surprised.  But then it just got annoying. My mom has nothing nice to say about my brother. Just that he causes her so much heart ache. Because he never visits and he rarely calls and he claims he has no vacation time but travels all over the world. That his priorities are fucked up. But the minute she is in the same room as him, she WORSHIPS him. And I disappear. I am the one that stayed in our home-town. But when my parents realized that my brother wasn’t coming back, they decided that there was nothing keeping them here (ummm…hello?) so they moved to France. I am the one they turn to anytime they need help. I am the one that talks to them at least once a week when they are in France and e-mails almost every day. My brother? He does shit. All he does is complain about them, and he sees them maybe once every two years. So watching my parents fawn all over him is so hard. I feel really jealous. He is their golden boy, no matter what he does. And somehow, my parents’ behavior always suprises me. And then so does my reaction.