Archive for February, 2008

Follie Report Part Deux (IVF#2) – ***UPDATED***

February 29, 2008

UPDATED AT THE BOTTOM! 

Had the dildo cam and my blood taken, to check my E2 levels. The doctor said there are three possible outcomes: E2 is still rising — keep stimming for 1-3 more days. E2 has stopped rising: trigger tonight. E2 has decreased – cancel the cycle! I wish he hadn’t mentioned this last possibility, since I was not prepared to hear it. I know full disclosure is a policy but now I just have something more to worry about. He did say that canceling would be very unlikely, but still!

ER will be on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday (they think). I am hoping for Monday or Wednesday, since my friend has some meetings she can’t miss on Tuesday. Ack! Sometimes I wish I had a husband with a normal job, things would be so much easier!

Here is the follie report:

Right: 18, 17, 15, 15, 13, 13
Left: 18, 17, 17, 16, 15, 12, 10

The 12 and 10 probably won’t be worth anything when it comes down to it. But I am still happy with this outcome so far!!

UPDATE: My E2 is up to 3336. They want me to take 100 units of Follistim tonight. I go back tomorrow morning for another u/s and dildo cam….

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Follie Report

February 27, 2008

I went in for my baseline this morning. Dr. P did his “foot thing” again. 🙂

He didn’t go into much detail counting my follicles but he mentioned that my lining is getting thick. I have been on meds for 5 days (started last Friday). He looked at my ovaries and counted 9 on the right side (the biggest was 15, the second biggest was 14) and 6 on my left side (the two biggest were 14). He was mostly checking to make sure I wasn’t stimulating too quickly. They took my blood and called me with the results: E2 = 1598.

This is SUCH a contrast to my last attempt. This time last cycle, my E2 was only 180 and he only saw 5 follicles on the u/s. And we did ER about 7 days later and only got 7 eggs. They increased my meds because my response was so slow.

This time they are decreasing my meds. They took Menopur out of the picture and decreased my Follistim from 225 units twice per day to 200 units twice per day.

I go back on Friday for another u/s. I am hopeful!!

Injection Question

February 24, 2008

Five shots a day is a little much. Last night I came into the TV room to ice up my leg before sticking it with the Meno.pur, and TW started laughing when I pulled my pants down and sat on the chair. Thanks, TW. What a jack ass. I burst into tears. I am so fragile! I locked myself in the bathroom and he came to get me and begged me to come out. He gave me a foot rub later, so he almost redeemed himself.

The mixing of the Meno.pur is kicking my ass. I discovered Q-Caps (they didn’t come with my Meno.pur, but with the box that my friend gave me that she didn’t need). The Q-Caps are so much easier than mixing with a huge needle. I don’t know why my pharmacy and my IVF clinic doesn’t use them. A friend of mine from blog-land is going to send me some more, bless her!

The shot I gave myself last night may have gone into the muscle. Is this a bad thing? I did pinch up before injecting, but this morning the area is really sore, like I pulled a muscle. I think I should go higher up on my thigh, where there is more fat to pinch up. I would do it in my stomach but it is such a big shot, and I am already like a pin cushion on my stomach so I was trying to mix it up a little bit. I really only trust TW to do the shot with the Follis.tim pen, so he hasn’t done Lup.ron or Meno.pur shots for me.

Anyway — anyone know if I fucked up my protocol if my shot went into my muscle?? That would be just my luck.

My stuck little ovaries

February 22, 2008

Went for my baseline this morning. My lining looks good and no cysts. Dr. P did his foot holding thing, it is so cute. He holds my foot while he wands me, like he was holding my hand. I love it!

Last night I had a rough night’s sleep, I had severe side pain that kept me up. This happened last IVF cycle too – day three of my AF after going off BCP. Same exact thing. At 3am I got up to take some tylenol and finally got some sleep. I told Dr. P about it and he looked at my insides a little more closely. He said that my ovaries are “stuck” to my uterus – he has never said this before. But he showed me what he was talking about — there is no gap between the ovary and the uterus, they are touching. He said that sometimes this can cause ovarian pain, and the combo of Lupron and the BCP could magnify the effect. Sounds like a weird explanation to me, but he is (supposedly) the expert. Of course I immediately asked if these “stuck” ovaries could cause any problem with implantation or pregnancy, and he said that it shouldn’t matter.

Anyway, the good news is that I am off and running for IVF #2. I got my first Follistim shot this morning by the nurse. My protocol:

5 units of microdose Lup.ron in the a.m.
225 units of Folli.stim in the a.m.
5 units of microdose Lup.ron in the p.m.
225 units of Folli.stim in the p.m.
150 units of Meno.pur in the p.m.

FIVE shots per day. OUCHIE! I also start the baby aspirin tonight. She warned me about the Menopur – she said it is going to sting because it will be really concentrated. I am going to try icing it up first. I am going to start shooting my legs because I save my tummy for the Lupron.

The doctor said that he didn’t want me to pay for ICSI yet, because he is not convinced we need it. WHAT? Apparently last time they did 50/50 ICSI and since all the eggs fertilized they think that it isn’t necessary. On the one hand we would save $2000, which would be very nice. On the other hand I worry that none of the eggs will fertilize if we don’t do it. He said that the embryologist will make a decision when they thaw the sample (remember, TW won’t be here for any of this!). I think I will decide on “to ICSI or not to ICSI” when we know how many eggs we have to work with. If we have lots more eggs than last time, then we can forgo ICSI. If it is 7 or less eggs, then I would feel better with ICSI. Anyone have any advice on this?

Oh — the doctor gave my ovaries “codes” this time, I don’t remember him doing that before. My left ovary was a “9” and my right ovary was a “7”. What the heck does that mean? I was going to ask, but I was too worried about my ovaries being stuck to my uterus, and I forgot.

I need to remember to stay hydrated….and NO wine anymore!

Ugh, the Follistim gave me a nasty headache.

Please, let this one work!!!

u/s postponed

February 20, 2008

I called the clinic and postponed the u/s until Friday morning, which was when it was supposed to be anyway (I had moved it to today because of work conflicts). So, I basically decided to say “screw work” and moved it back to Friday. So the u/s will be on day 4 (well, 3.5) so hopefully it won’t be as humiliating!

Question for you — do you ladies “groom” more for appointments, or do you like to go natural?

Day 2 ultrasound = YUCK

February 19, 2008

I really don’t have that much to report. I have been doing lots of non-TTC things. I had a three day weekend and spent most of it with my dog since TW was away for five days and PT is with her mom. I went down to my friend’s farm, she boards dogs, and it was better than any dog park! Sutter got to run and play for four hours with 15 dogs. And I got to sit with my friend and enjoy the scenery, drink wine and eat chocolate…doesn’t get any better than that! I also took the dog to his agility class, and he KICKED ASS. Everyone was asking me how much I work with him between classes because he has improved SO much and he is fearless (the answer — that would be about five minutes!)

I fed lots of people. On Friday night I was talking to my friend P and she casually said, ‘What are you doing tonight’. I said, ‘Nothing’ and before I knew it I said, ‘Wanna come over, I will cook you dinner’. Then (after I hung up) I said DOH, because I had a hell of a week and I was SUPER tired. But I ended up making a pan roasted halibut with french olives, tomato, lemon, garlic, capers and olive oil; onion rice pilaf and asparagus. For dessert we had fresh strawberries with two kinds of ice cream (haagen dasz dolce de leche and macadamia nut brittle), warm chocolate sauce and whipped cream…mmmm…drooling on my keyboard. On Sunday night my friend A gave me a massage. She is in massage school and needed the hours…she didn’t have to ask me twice! I brought dinner: home made potato/leek soup with parmesan cheese and green onions; mixed baby greens with chicken, candied pecans, blue cheese and apples (home made dressing), and chocolate cake (also home made). And on Monday I went to the farm and brought my friend lunch: sesame/peanut noodles with jullienne red bell pepper and Asian slaw with chicken and peanuts. I said it before and I said it again — no wonder I need to lose 15 pounds!

All this time I have been waiting for AF to show up. I stopped the BCP on 2/14 and thought it would arrive two days later. Today I e-mailed the clinic to see if there was a problem if I don’t get my period, and they said not to worry about it. I was worried though because I have my baseline u/s tomorrow morning and didn’t want to be on day 1 for that. Well, of course AF showed up at about 3pm today, which means I will be on day 2 tomorrow. For the dildo cam. YUCK. I swear, REs should have a segment on the show “Dirty Jobs” with Mike Rowe (I love him, by the way).

That is all to report. If everything looks good tomorrow, I start stimming on Friday. FIVE shots a day! Lupron in the a.m. and p.m., Follistim in the a.m. and p.m., and Menopur in the p.m. Woo Hoo! I think I am going to need a bigger sharps container.

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2008

I actually got flowers – last night. TW went to the grocery to pick up milk and came back with a little pot with a baby rose plant in it. It was sweet, I don’t think I have gotten flowers for valentine’s day from him before! Of course C at work got flowers as a surprise this morning at home and then she got two dozen roses delivered today! That girl gets flowers once a month or more – I kid you not. She is married to her highschool sweet heart, they have been together since they were 15 and they are now 25…they are too cute it makes me want to throw up.

Today I hosted a big event at work, and I am absolutely exhausted. The visitors are here for half the day tomorrow as well, and can I tell you that I have never been so happy to have a three day weekend. Although, next week I have to do it all again as we have another event on Thursday/Friday (and it may rain to make things even more interesting!). In any event, on my way home from work, I decided to pop into the grocery to pick up some surprises for TW and PT. I got Valentine’s cards, heart sugar cookies in pink and purple and their favorite sushi. I brought everything home and told PT that all I asked was to have two pieces of her sushi (out of the 12 in the tray). Well, about 15 minutes later I look at her and she is scarfing down the last piece of sushi. I was livid!!! Did I have the right to be livid? I asked her why she didn’t save me any and she said she forgot. TW rushed to her defense and said no one is perfect, and that we all forget things. I am sorry but I don’t forget things! Truly, Truly, I don’t forget things. Ever. I almost started crying…I feel so forgotten so often!

Then I felt like a total bitch because PT is sick. She didn’t say anything, but she sounded congested and she kept asking if she could go to bed (which is HIGHLY unusual because she usually fights to stay up as late as we will let her). I thought she was trying to avoid studying and doing homework, but I finally broke out the digital thermometer (actually, my BBT thermometer that I don’t use anymore) and she has a fever of 102.7!!

Anyway, I guess the good news is that TW was able to deliver his back-up sperm sample without a hitch today. The IVF clinic called to tell me they got two vials and everything looks good. That made me breathe a little easier because I know TW won’t be around for my procedures. I lined up a good friend instead. And PT is with her mom. So I will take a couple of days off, read trashy mags and gab with my friend, watch episodes of My So Called Life, and movies from the DVR like Never Been Kissed, Lucky 7 (A favorite Lifetime Movie), and Overboard – that classic with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.

My last BCP is tonight — continue Lupron through trigger the week of 3/2. I start stimming on 2/22 as long as everything looks good at baseline on 2/20.

Endurance

February 7, 2008

What I had to endure today.

P, my beloved staff member, came to my office with a letter in his hand, and shut the door. My heart stopped – was he quitting during our busiest season??? OMG. Well, it turned out the letter was just for my signature (I yelled at him about that…) But he did want to talk about his career. He has been in the same level position for 5 years and he wants to move up. I don’t blame him one bit. He worked for me at my last job, and when I took this job, I brought him with me. It was a lateral move for him, but he came anyway. That was almost 3 years ago. He has been married for three years, and guess what! He and his wife are going to start trying to have kids! Hooray for them! P knows what I have been going through. I only thought it was fair to tell him what was going on, since I was gone so much during the IVF cycle. Anyway, I felt a little pang of jealousy. I was only two years older than he and his wife when we decided to start trying to have kids. I was naive and happy and excited. I went to my OB for a “pre-conception” appointment. What a joke! That was 5 years ago. Now I am a bitter infertile. I do hope for their sake that it comes easy for them, but I know I am going to be SO jealous when he comes to me in 4 months to say his wife is three months pregnant! The long and the short is that there is no where for him to go unless he leaves his job. So I am bracing myself for his departure — I already talked to HR and we really can’t give him another raise or reclassify his job – it would be unfair to the others with the same level job. (I work in academia and there are so many rules!!!). Just another added stress. P has a job interview tomorrow morning. I hope he doesn’t get it. (Yeah, I am a BEE-ATCH).

Meanwhile, C, my other staff member just got married in October. An older co-worker stopped by, saying that somehow he missed the fact that she got married, congratulations, etc. etc. And then he started talking to her about having kids! She says she wants to wait 10 years before she starts (she just turned 25), but the guy was saying she should just go for it, and before she knows it they will be starting kindergarten, then highschool, then college, then they will be married…Yeah, because that is how easy life is.

Okay, but I am realizing things could be worse. Last night I went to the dog park for the first time in a long while. I bumped into this girl M, who I see pretty often. We ended up chatting and somehow (I am not sure how), the subject of kids/fertility came up. Ah yes. She said something about thinking that by now, she would be married with kids. I asked her how old she is – 39. She is waiting, waiting, waiting for the right guy to come around, so she can get married and have kids. She said she hopes that it will happen before she is 42. And to make her story even harder to bear, she was married when she was 25, to a total a-hole that didn’t want kids. She ended up getting pregnant by accident when she was 27 and her husband made her get an abortion. She thinks about that baby all the time. She has been divorced now for 10 years. It is so sad. It got me thinking — that would be SO MUCH WORSE. I have a husband that I love very much (even though he drives me mental). I have PT, and have been a mother to her for the last 8 years. This girl is renting an apartment, she is single and lonely, watching the big FOUR-OH approach day by day. And she is contemplating single mother-hood (donor sperm), IF her eggs are still good.

I think what I am enduring is pale in comparison to M right now. I feel like such an ingrate.

Ack!

February 6, 2008

Can I have anything more going on? I am planning these big events at work, one on 2/14, one on 2/21, one on 3/31. Plus I am helping to plan a big event (charity auction) on 4/26.

On top of that, I have my volunteering with the puppy rescue, my remodel…I got a call yesterday from the builder saying that the roofing material is going up in price by 20% on Friday and I had to choose by yesterday! Then he called me back and said I have to pick the gutters — yes the GUTTERS as well! I didn’t even know there was a choice for gutters! We had to write another humungous check to the builders too, but at least we can see some real progress on the house. The roof is being papered today, and then the windows will be installed. That is good, but I am going a little mental, can you tell?

And….IVF is right around the corner.

TW just left town until Sunday night. PT is coming back to us on Friday, so I will be alone with her all weekend. I hope we get along…we have been griping at each other more than usual. I think she is getting hormonal…I bet she is going to get her period any second! I can’t wait for there to be TWO of us with PMS, AF etc. Poor TW!

My parents are arriving on 3/8. I am not ready for them to be back in the country. They live in France most of the time. They found a place to stay for three months, a friend’s neighbor is going to Australia, so my parents will live in their home and take care of their dogs. Usually my parents live in the cottage next door to our house, but we are there because of the remodel. So they had to find somewhere else to go. I am a little irritated that they didn’t check with me on their dates. They never do. I mean, they know I am doing IVF and they know that TW’s schedule is whacked. You would think they would ask me what dates would be good in case I needed help. I turns out I DO need help. TW is going to be gone the week of my estimated ER and ET! And my parents are coming the next week! If they had only asked me I would have told them to come a week earlier. But this is how my parents are, they are in their own little world. They act like they live in a vacuum.

Today I am going to my clinic to turn in my consent forms, get my Lupron diluted, and to write a check for ICSI. Lupron starts on Friday!

On top of everything else, my “Alien Eyeball” is back. Every once in a while, one of my eyes gets BRIGHT red. The white turns completely red. It is totally embarrassing and everyone asks me what is wrong. I have been to the doctor multiple times, and no one can tell me what it is. It isn’t always the same eye either. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t itch. I just wake up with a bright red eyeball. I hate it! The first time we thought it was pink eye, but it isn’t. I don’t think it is allergies or “dry eye” because it is only ONE eye. It is so frustrating! I actually think it happens when I am stressed out…that seems to be the case (although some would say I am always stressed out).

 Okay, thanks for bearing with me today. I am all over the place.

So frustrated!

February 1, 2008

Pre-teens are TOUGH. PT and I got into it last night. I got home from work and my FIL was with her, playing a board game. They said homework was all done, and everyone seemed really relaxed. To make everything even better, PT broke the bow for her Viola so she can’t play (HALLELUJAH!). Isn’t that awful? I just cannot stand it when she plays viola, it makes me want to kill myself. And the dog howls too, so it isn’t just me. Anyway, we were relaxed and happy, PT was a little chatty and hyper. She sat with me while I cooked dinner (I made a huge pot of soup from the roasted chicken I made the other night…nothing like homemade chicken soup!). She helped me peel potatoes and carrots and we were getting a long great.

Then TW called on his way home from work and I guess he asked more questions about homework. OOOPS. PT then announced she had a vocab test the next day, but she forgot the book. I could hear TW yelling on his end of the phone (this is a a struggle we have two or three times a week: PT decides she doesn’t need to bring a book home from school because she did the homework and thinks she is ready for the test without studying). We get in fights about it all the time. We tell her that she HAS to bring the book home even if she thinks she is ready and that it doesn’t hurt to study a little more. But then the next time, she doesn’t bring her book home….again.

Last night was so frustrating. PT told her dad that she was ready for the vocab test and that is why she didn’t bring her book home. She needed to know the definitions, synonyms and antonyms for 20 words. So TW told her to write it all down. And guess what. She only remembered 10 words and only the meanings for three of them. GOOD JOB. The test was first thing in the morning, so it wasn’t like she could study at recess or lunch.

And the most infuriating part? PT has a “student planner” where she is supposed to write down all her homework assignments, tests, etc. When you look in that damned planner, she draws smiley faces all over the place, writes down things like, “Bake Sale” and “PE” but she doesn’t think to write “Vocab Test” down. I asked her why she doesn’t write her vocab tests down, and her response was, “We have a vocab test every Friday, so why do I need to write it down?” ARRRRRGHHHH!

We are trying to tell her that good study habits are SO important before 7th grade starts. She doesn’t care, or doesn’t get it. It is so hard for me because I was such a good student, I ate it all up, I studied extra, I did all my homework, I got extra credit, it just came so easy for me. So I don’t get this satisfaction with mediocrity that PT has. She brought a report card home and it was filled with B- and C+ and was totally happy with it. I know that the report card isn’t horrible (it could be way worse), but we know she has the potential to get all A’s. She just doesn’t care.

This is one place where we see how little influence we actually have. PT is with us half the time.  Her mother doesn’t do homework with her, doesn’t check it, doesn’t ask if it is done. So half the time, PT is left to her own devices. The other half the time, we are trying to make up for that. It is TOUGH.