Archive for May, 2008

Bad Wife – Good Step-Mom

May 29, 2008

First of all – I have to say that I agree with a lot of you – the NaComLeavMo concept is awesome and I love the comments. However, it is a shitload of work. I keep wanting to post and then I think — oh, I will check out some more blogs and make some comments. Then next thing I know, hours have gone by, and I haven’t posted, let alone read the comments that others are making on my own blog!

Reason number one that I am a bad wife (you be the judge):There is nothing in our fridge. I usually do all the grocery shopping, and I do it often. I have to drive right by our fave store on my way home from work, so I pop in to buy this or that. But for some reason over the past week, I haven’t shopped. And we have run out of everything. One would think that TW would catch a clue and maybe head to the store himself, so now it is kind of a test. How long will it take him to go to the store? Yesterday morning he wanted to make some sort of scramble. We had two eggs. And the only other thing he could find that would “go” with the eggs was baby carrots. So he made a baby carrot scramble. I thought it was pretty funny. Poor guy. I don’t think that a carrot scramble will be the new rage on the local breakfast menus.

Reason number two that I am a bad wife (you be the judge):I asked TW what he was going to get me for my birthday (which is tomorrow, by the way).  He responded, “I asked PT and she thought that a $50 gift certificate to Nordstrom would be the perfect gift”. I almost choked, then I started to cry (literally), then I tried to stab him in the eye with my half eaten corn on the cob. Nothing says, “I don’t like you very much” than a gift certificate to Nordstrom. Okay, nothing against Nordstrom, I actually do shop there quite a bit. But it is SO unimaginative. And, $50 would buy me one pant leg, maybe, if it is on sale. I know that PT thinks that $50 would buy her a car, but still. Why would he take a 12 year old’s advice? It turned into a big “to do” with tears on my end and anger on his. I came across as a crazy, greedy, bitch. And TW was like a deer in the headlights. Should I be such an ingrate? I mean — we are going through a hell of a remodel and bleeding money like stuck piggy banks. But truly, if he feels like he cannot afford to buy anything more than $50 for my birthday, I think we should just forgo the presents. I told him he could buy me a nice card. He could give me a foot rub or a back rub. He could cook me dinner AND do all the dishes. He could do some research and figure out a place we can hike with the dog, and take a picnic. There are lots of free or almost free things he could do. $50 would even buy me a mani/pedi/eyebrow job at my favorite salon. He just has to use his pea sized brain to figure it out. The figuring out is what counts…don’t you think? But I still do feel like a bad wife since he really wasn’t expecting such a violent reaction from such an innocent conversation. But he should know by now: I.LOVE.MY.BIRTHDAY. LOVE.LOVE.LOVE. So a $50 GC just doesn’t cut it.

Why I am a good step-mom – reason 1: I took X to the hospital yesterday. I drove 30 minutes, picked her and PT up, took X to the hospital, dropped PT off at school. I took the day off work to do it so I could be ready to pick X up when she needed a ride. I had to get her prescription, sit with her while she got her discharge instructions, get her into the car, get her into her apartment, set her up on the couch. I went to Trader Joe’s to get her some soup because she couldn’t eat solid food until after the general wore off completely. She thought someone was bringing food over but no one showed up. I also had to stay with her for 4 hours in case she had any trouble. At one point during the discharge instructions, the nurse put her hand on my arm and said, ‘You are such a good friend’. And X said, ‘Yes, she is’. It just felt so odd to hear her say that. This was a very emotional day for me, lots of mixed feelings bubbling up. I can’t hate her, but she has been so awful to us. And now she has cancer, and she has no one to turn to, except for the woman that her ex married. It is very strange.

Why I am a good step-mom – reason 2: I sat through an hour and a half of GRUELING music at the elementary school. It is so hard for me to even go there – because I look around at all the parents feeling like a fish out of water. I am the only woman that hasn’t pushed one of the kids out of my birth canal. I cannot even pretend to enjoy these fucking concerts. I look at my watch every 5 minutes and I physically cringe when someone misses a note. Everyone else thinks it is just adorable. And they clap and cheer and holler and take movies and pictures. Would I feel the same if one of my bio kids was up on the stage?? PT was in the very back row so we could barely see her. She wouldn’t have even known if we had left. I had to listen to the fucking songs that she practices every day. The dog howls so loud that he drowns out the viola that she is playing completely off tune. You know that corn cob I wanted to stab TW with? I wish I had had it so I could have poked my own ears out. So, I was watching this damn concert…and I noticed that every single kid at PT’s school is unattractive. Seriously. There are maybe 2 or 3 cute kids. Out of hundreds. What is the deal with that? How can there be so many ugly kids in one school? You would think that the law of averages would dictate that there would be 50% better than average and 50% below average. But truly, these kids are almost all below average. Someone hit them with an ugly stick. The girls have unibrows and mustaches. And the boys look like girls. Maybe it is the water. Okay – maybe I am not such a great step-mom after all. I was trying to prove I was a good step-mom because I sat through the concert, so give me a couple of points for that. 

I start Lu.pron shots tomorrow. I cannot believe I am starting IVF cycle #3. I am SO bored with the whole thing. Oh, the other day when I went to the clinic for some reason or other…I noticed that outside the clinic smells like dirty vagina. I know that is completely and totally disgusting to say. I think it is some sort of vile flower that grows on the trees. Have you ever entered the stall in the ladies room after an old lady has used it…and there is that ….. SMELL? It smells just like that. I truly hope my hootchie never smells like that. I will give TW the corn cob to kill me if it does. I just thought of the perfect birthday present for me. TW has his appointment tomorrow to whack off and deliver the goods to the clinic. How about he does it without complaining, and he gets to the lab on time, for once. That would make my day.

 

 

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NaComLeavMo

May 27, 2008

I am digging NaComLeavMo. Now, if I could only get the code to work for the image on my sidebar. Any tips?

Thanks to all for visiting my blog from NaComLeavMo. I Luuuuuurve getting comments. And I am enjoying “meeting” more of you every day!

Dig Dig Dig Dig Diggity Dog (and a couple of other things)

May 25, 2008

The dog has a thing for marrow bones but they are so rich I only give him one every couple of weeks. Any more and he farts all night, cloying clouds of green gas that hang around my head and threaten to asphyxiate me in my sleep. Four days ago I gave him a marrow bone and he seemed super excited. The next thing I knew, he was lying on the bed without a bone. Hmmmm? WTF did he do with the bone? Usually he goes to town on the bone, chewing and gnawing it until every last morsel of delicious marrow and gristle is just a distant memory (until he starts farting). This time it was like the bone had never existed. I wandered around the house looking for it to no avail. But then hours later, he was out in the yard and I heard a very strange shuffling sound. I went to investigate, and he was delicately pawing at the gravel on the side of the house. He was digging with his nose as well, until he found what he was looking for. The bone, now marinated in dirt, rock, and 100 degree heat. He promptly brought it inside and dropped it on the carpet. JOY! I took it away from him and picked all the pebbles off, and then I washed the dirt off. I gave the bone back to him and sure enough — a few minutes later he was lounging on the couch sans bone.

I promptly forgot about the putrid bone until this morning. Sitting at the table with my morning cup of decaf and my laptop, I looked to my left and saw what looked like a giant dirt clod or *GASP* a big poop. I yelled, “WHAT IS THAT??”. It was very dark brown all over, and there was a trail of dirt leading to the dog door. PT said, “IT’S THE BONE!!!”. I took a closer look and sure enough, it was the bone. This time it was coated in a 1/2 inch thick layer of mud. There were bugs on it, and pebbles and it smelled like FISH. Dogs are so disgusting. He must have thought it was too clean and decided to let it rot for a few days before it was a true puppy delicacy. This time I wouldn’t touch the damn thing with a ten foot pole. The dog ended up sampling it this morning, and he is STILL munching on it two hours later. Forgive me for washing your bone, dear dog! I am sorry I got rid of so many of the germs and bacteria and dirt and grime that you had to incubate it for three more days before it was edible again!

Yesterday I took my mom for a manicure/pedicure and lunch — I gave her a gift certificate for mother’s day and yesterday was the day we went. I always feel bad when I spend any time with my mom. I take deep breaths before I see her, but after about 20 minutes she is SO annoying I catch myself giving her the evil eye when she isn’t watching. My friend is married to an Iranian guy, and he translates that from Farsi as “Giving someone the left-left” because both eyes are looking left at the person. So I was giving my mom the “left-left”. But here is an example of an interaction with my mom. We were walking down the street to the nail salon and she said, “So, SIL finally e-mailed me back….OH! Polish Deli! Huh!! A Polish Deli!…Oh…where are we going? Here? Here?” and she walks into a random hair salon. I had to follow her in and drag her out. She reads every sign she sees out loud, even when she is in the middle of a sentence. She also has to comment any time she sees an East Indian (she is Indian too), and she says, “Indians are everywhere!”…then she starts counting the number of BMWs that she sees, and any time she sees a police car she exclaims, “OH! The police!” like they are hunting her down. She would be much more pleasant if we removed her vocal chords. Then at the nail place, I was watching her read a trashy magazine. She “reads” it backwards — she starts at the back and turns the pages towards the front. And it is like she cannot move her eyeballs independently — she moves her whole head in dramatic jerky movements like a bird. Up, down, up, down, left, right, up. Flip page, repeat.

This morning TW and I were both on our laptops, and the nerd that I am, I always IM him when I see that he is logged in. Here is an excerpt to give you an idea of our maturity.

Me: POO POO
TW: STINKY
Me: STINKY POO POO BUTT
TW: I love the dog

Lately TW has this thing about saying, “I love the dog”. It is like his mantra or something. He will burst into this phrase at any given moment. Lately he has called me at work just to say, “I love the dog”. And sometimes I get an e-mail from him that only says, “I love the dog” or a voicemail that says, “I love the dog”. I think he was bumped on the head recently.

Advice from someone in a BAD MOOD

May 21, 2008

1. If you are a personal trainer and you teach a class in strength training, please be someone that can inspire. Don’t show up to class 50 pounds overweight, with flab on your FOREARMS, a bad dye job, 6 rolls on your belly, and 5 chins. Don’t tell me on the first day of class that you used to look different, you used to be in good shape. Don’t sit on your rump the whole time you teach class, watching us work our asses off. Don’t say, “And UP and hold, hold, hold and UP and hold, hold, hold” in the same monotonous voice because you are too fucking lazy to count. When you send us on our way to do the free weights, don’t sit on the bench and rub a feign knee injury, like that is the reason you don’t burn more than 12.5 calories a day. Let’s face it. You are a LAZY whore. How did you get this job? How could you be PAID for this? How could you make me PAY for this? And don’t ask me if everything is okay when I march out 30 minutes after class starts. NO. Things are NOT okay. And NO, I am NOT coming back.

2. If you already look like a pig, with a bald head and the most porcine nose I have ever seen, do not wear a light pink shirt with a pink tie to emphasize your porkishness. Do not stand in front of a room of people giving a presentation about your new CRM software. Instead of listening, we will fixate on your shirt, too taught to button at the bottom, and the pale, white skin covered in red hair sticking through the gap. By the way, your black pin-stripe suit from 1982, really needs a belt to go with it. We will stare at your wedding ring and wonder who, who, WHO is unfortunate enough to share your matrimonial bed. I guess she is unfortunate unless she happens to be Ms. Piggy. She is probably home now, suckling your 8 children, one on each teat. Bet you rush home every night for your slop. Do you have a rat named Templeton in your pen that forages after you are done?

3. If you are the bio mother to someone who now has a step-mother. BE NICE. Don’t call CPS on her. Don’t tell your daughter that she is evil. Don’t call her to yell at her and threaten that if the girl ever calls her “Mommy” again, there will be hell to pay. Because you know what? You may get breast cancer some day. And you don’t have any friends. And who will you need to call for help? That would be HER. And she is going to help, but she won’t forget.

Random stuff

May 20, 2008

I have been reading this blog non-stop for two days. I started at the very, very beginning. And I can’t stop reading. My friend saw the blogger interviewed on a TV show and told me about it. She has a terrible potty mouth and some of the things she says on her posts are shockingly funny. She is a more extreme version of me,  I think. I wish I had the guts to put it all out there like that!

I have a new favorite cocktail….I mix pomegranate juice, odwalla lime-ade and vodka. I had two of them last night, for no reason. It was hot in the house and I should have just had the drink sans vodka, but why? I could drink 5 of them but then I would have a real problem.

Last night TW made chocolate chip cookies. I am supposed to be dieting (except I allow myself cocktails instead of bread) and I wasn’t going to have any. But then he brought out the freshly made cookies (well he “makes” them by breaking the store-bought cookie dough squares apart and popping them in the oven for 12 minutes). I took a look at those damn, steamy cookies, with the gooey oozing chocolate, and something came over me. I became COOKIE MONSTER, I think I even sprouted the blue fur and I got big googley eyes. I am not kidding. These cookies were scalding hot, and I took THREE of them and put them all in my mouth at the same time. And I burned my tongue. I was laughing hysterically and practically choking, and I couldn’t swallow because the cookie formed a big ball of cookie glue in my mouth. You should have seen the looks of horror on PT and TW’s faces! Even the dog ran out of the room and hid.

I have been having sex dreams every night. Sex dreams with TW. We haven’t had real sex in a LONG time. I don’t know why.  It is like neither of us has the energy. It is sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Every day I think I will attack him and then night comes and I have my two cocktails and 18,000 cookies and I don’t feel like it anymore. Gee, I wonder why?

Oh No.

May 17, 2008

Anyone see the movie “Stepmom“? It is such a good movie. Susan Sarandon plays a mom extraordinaire who is divorced from a pretty good guy played by Ed Harris. Ed Harris gets engaged to Julia Roberts. There are two kids, a 13 year old girl and a 7 year old boy (or something like that) that are in a shared custody arrangement. Susan Sarandon gets cancer and the family has to come together, despite the differences between the two powerful women in the story. I have watched this movie probably a dozen times. And at the end I always bawl. I think being a stepmom and watching it brings up different feelings than it would for others, but still, I highly recommend.

A little history: TW and PT’s mom (I will call her X) never got married. He was in the Marines, and as Marines do, frequented the local watering hole when he was stationed here or there. X was a frequent lurker at the watering hole, hoping to catch a Marine or two. They got together whenever TW was in town, and at one point she moved to AZ when he was stationed there. The truth of the matter is that they didn’t really get along all that well, but they liked having sex. Clearly they had unprotected sex because PT was the result of this on-again, off-again relationship. X announced she was pregnant. TW said she needed to decide what to do, and he would be on board. X decided to keep the baby and TW left the Marines (he had done his required term). They moved in together and TW supported her through her pregnancy. He wanted to see if marriage should be an option for them. When the baby was born, X sounds like she had post-partum depression, because the story goes that she didn’t get out of bed. TW was in grad school and working, he would feed everyone breakfast and get back early evening. X would still be in bed, the baby would be screaming in a filthy diaper, the house would be a wreck. TW would clean up, cook dinner, feed everyone, and the whole thing would start again the next day. Finally he started taking the baby to his mom’s during the day so that she would get some TLC since X seemed to be unable to parent.

Things got even worse. TW and X started fighting like cats and dogs. TW ended up moving out and there was a horrific court battle over custody. As is the case many times, the courts sided with X and she got much more custody than TW. Over the years TW started getting more and more custody and currently it is split 50/50. Some highlights of X’s behavior:

  • Called Child Protective Services on TW when PT was 2 years old and launched a huge child abuse investigation which was thrown out due to lack of evidence. But not until after they interviewed TW’s co-workers, the teachers, family members, etc. Totally humiliating and horrible. X said that PT came home with a cigarette burn on her arm (TW doesn’t smoke) and that her vagina was always sore and red when she got back from a visit with him. The doctors concluded that the sore vagina was due to long soaks in cheap bubble bath at X’s house. The “cigarette burn” was actually a burn from X’s kitchen. X even called TW towards the end of the saga to apologize, saying she had no idea it would get so out of control. She admitted that she lied.
  • X put TW in jail for the weekend. It was TW’s official weekend for custody, and he was on his way to pick PT up on Friday after work. He called X when he was on the way, and said he was 20 minutes out. X said that he should just turn around because she was taking PT to Texas for the weekend. TW said “It is MY weekend” and that he was coming to get her. So TW got to X’s house and the cops were waiting for him. He had a copy of the court order in his car (he always had to have it on him because of X’s antics) and showed the cops. X had a copy of a letter she wrote to her attorney asking permission to take PT to Texas. The letter was just a letter asking permission. The judge hadn’t even seen it, there was no court order or response. X was hysterical saying that TW was trying to kidnap her daughter. They cuffed TW and threw him in the back of the car. They said that the judge would clear it up if it really was his weekend. They carted him off to jail, and since it was Friday at 5pm, he had to wait until Monday morning to speak to the judge to get released.
  • She called CPS on me. When TW and I first moved in together, PT was in kindergarten. I arrived home from work and there was a note on the door, saying that CPS had come by for a home check. We were to call within 24 hours. We called, and they said there had been an anonymous complaint and that an investigation was launched. We went through about a month of interviews and visits and they threw the case out. One day the CPS social worker stopped by unannounced and it was like a Norman Rockwell scene: hot chocolate and board games in front of the fire, Grandfather was over for the day, dog sleeping on the hearth. They even said that when they visited X’s house, they were more concerned about the child’s wellbeing because of the filth and bad neighborhood that they lived in. I know it was an anonymous “tip” but who else would have called CPS?
  • There was a court assessment for changing custody. Luckily X was too stupid to realize you cannot tell a 5 year old to lie because they will usually fuck it up. In the court document it is recorded that PT said to the court assessor, “My mommy made me promise that I would tell you that I don’t like my dad and that I don’t want to live with him anymore”. Ha!
  • We asked X if we could take PT a few hours early on a Friday so we could take her to Disneyland for her birthday. X said it would be fine so we bought a non-refundable package travel deal. Then two weeks before we were supposed to go, I sent an e-mail reminding her and she said that she never gave us permission. She said that she was throwing a big birthday party for PT and the invitations were already out. Mind you, we were picking up PT a couple of hours early on a FRIDAY. (We were going to take PT out of 1st grade for the day). X claimed that the party was at 9am on a school day. But in any event, we didn’t have formal permission so we had to lose the money, AND PT lost out on going to Disneyland.
  • More minor incidents include X keeping PT out of school whenever she gets wind that TW is going to chaperon a field trip. This has happened multiple times. TW ran a couple of girl scout meetings and PT didn’t show up on those days. She never brings her to team practice for sports, never checks her homework, says horrible things about me and TW to PT on a frequent basis (for example she told PT that her dad didn’t want her, and that he tried to force her to have an abortion).

The last two or three years, things have calmed down quite a bit. X got a real job (prior jobs were day-care aide, changing poopie diapers) as a 2nd grade teacher. She started allowing PT to participate in after school activities and TW and X have even been amicable enough that they call each other for help if one or the other is busy and need transportation for PT. Which has been HUGE. I have even met X for lunch a couple of times. I thought it would soften her up a bit, and I think it did. And we actually had a pretty nice time. I realized that if circumstances were different, we may have even had a friendship.

X has breast cancer. I found out yesterday. I feel so awful and guilty because I used to have horrible, horrible thoughts about the woman. Like wishing she would disappear. Wishing she would meet some guy and run away forever. Wanting to plant drugs in her house so she would go to jail. (I don’t know if I can even type the next one…) Hoping that she would die in a plane crash. My life would be SO much easier if she didn’t exist. That is how I felt daily when I first got engaged to TW. To the point that I wished I had known what a bitch she was because I would have rethought the whole marriage/stepmom thing.

But as I say, things have really gotten better.

I saw X this morning at an event for the girls. TW told me last night that she has cancer (she told him), but being a GUY, he really didn’t know what to say to her. So I talked to her about what was going on, what her prognosis is, what her treatment plan is. She puts on a pretty good public face. She just found out on Wednesday. I was tearing up and then she started too. I gave her a big hug. I told her that if she needed ANYTHING, I would be there for her. Her family is far away, and she isn’t seeing anyone. Her only friends are work friends. She doesn’t have a good support network.

I just feel awful. I hope she makes it out alright. I know that women survive breast cancer all the time now, but it is so SCARY. And I worry about PT if her mom gets really sick. They are so attached to each other, a bond that I have always been really jealous of. And one that I know I won’t be able to replicate if something happens to X. I wonder what our lives will be like, if X dies and PT lives with us full time. I wonder if I will be able to handle it. I wish I could look into the future right now.

Mother’s Day

May 12, 2008

First off, thank you to KE and Blue Haired Woman for tagging me. I promise to get going on that ASAP, when I have a moment (hard to do long posts at work!)…

Mother’s Day was tough. What is the deal with random people saying, “Happy Mother’s Day” to me when I am walking around, minding my own business, without any kids with me?? It would be one thing if PT was with me, but of course she was with her mom on Mother’s Day. So — what is the deal? I want to tell people to mind their own business but I know they are just trying to be nice. It is amazing how these simple little comments can be so loaded for me now.

Even TW didn’t say “Happy Mother’s Day” to me, which really pissed me off. True, PT wasn’t here, but still. Have I not been an active participant in raising his child since she was FOUR YEARS OLD? So, the only people that said “Happy Mother’s Day” to me were strangers. And my Sister-in-Law sent me an e-card. Which was nice. Then my mom ruined it. We were having brunch and I told her that SIL sent me an e-card. And you know what my mom said? She said, “That is really strange”. WTF? No. It is really strange that no one acknowledges step-mothers on Mother’s Day. Not only that, it is even stranger that it is considered weird to acknowledge a step-mother on Mother’s Day. We were at a buffet brunch and right after that exchange my mom and dad left to get more food. I burst into tears and said, “I want to be a mom, I just can’t. It isn’t fair”. TW was supportive but at the same time I wanted to punch him in the eye for not acknowledging that I am a 1/2 time mom to his stupid kid.

God, the only thing that is keeping me going right now is the remodel. I am focusing on it a lot. Things are going to move quickly — the hard wood is going down and once it is stained (which should happen next week), everything is going to move, move, move. Like sinks and fixtures are going in, granite and stone floors, YAY. I am VERY excited. The only thing that sucks is that we built an extra room for a nursery and I have no idea if it will be used for that purpose or not. It is a cute little room with a big window and a nice sized closet. I guess I can put a treadmill and a TV/DVD in it, and maybe one of those big exercise balls and some free-weights. If I can’t get pregnant, I am going to get HOT. Instead of a MILF I will be an IFILF (Infertile-I’d-Like-To-Fuck).  Okay, I will think of that as a back-up plan in case things don’t work out. Ugh. So hard to stay positive.

Money is stressing me out right now. We are so far over budget I am wondering if a miracle happens, and I do get pregnant, how we will even afford a kid! TW is supposed to get a raise in December, and I should be getting one too. And once we move back into the big house, we can rent the cottage out. So that should all help. But it is still a little stressful.

Deep breaths.

Surprise!

May 4, 2008

My brother is here. We decided to surprise our mom. He told me about a month ago that he was coming out here to see his friend G who lives 2 hours from me, and they were going to a motorcycle show about 40 minutes from me. So — he wasn’t really coming to see US, he was coming to see G and motorcycles and making a side trip to see us. He NEVER comes to see us. The last time he came, was before my doggie Cleo died of cancer — she had been through radiation and chemo to no avail…I had just gone through two failed IUIs and I was having a really rough time. Cleo was given a clean bill of health and 5 days after her last treatment, I checked her throat (she had oral melanoma) and I could see that the tumors were growing back with a vengeance.  There was nothing more we could do. My brother’s ‘wife’ sent him to see me. I am certain it wasn’t his idea — he would NEVER think of it. But I talked to my SIL and then two days later my brother called to say he was coming to visit…then it was the SIL that bought the plane tix, etc.

Anyway, that was about a year and a half ago. My brother lives in NYC with his evil “wife” (I put it in quotes because they never got married but had a huge “commitment ceremony” that looked so much like a wedding, I am sure half of the guests were fooled). He claims he doesn’t have enough vacation time to come out here, but (for example) they were just in New Orleans for Jazz Fest and later this month they are going to the Galapagos islands for 9 days (SO JEALOUS!). They were in Costa Rica for New Years and France last Thanksgiving. SO….anyway…

My brother isn’t into family. He is childless by choice (his wife — not so much). He told his wife when they were first dating that he NEVER wanted kids. She thought he would change his mind. She is now 43 and I think has finally come to terms that kids are not in her future. But she stayed with him knowingly — she KNEW that he didn’t want kids. There were a handful of years where I was waiting for a big announcement that she was pregnant…I really thought she was have an “ooops” on purpose. But it hasn’t happened and now that she is turning 44 pretty soon, I seriously doubt it will happen (well, with my luck it may still happen). I don’t know how she got past it. For the first 3 or 4 years she talked about kids constantly — she would say she dreamt she was pregnant, and at one point she was researching adoption until my brother said, ‘DUH…I don’t want kids!’ I don’t think I would have married TW if he told me straight up that he didn’t want kids. It would have been a deal breaker. That is all moot now, of course…but anyway.

I invited my parents over for dinner a month ago. They are here from France until mid-June and they are such social butterflies it is almost impossible to get an “appointment” with them. After my brother called to say he would be in town, I called my dad and we conived about surprising my mom. So my dad was in on it. Yesterday was the big day. My brother’s friend G drove him down from the motorcycle show, and he arrived at about 4pm. I made a big dinner – turkey and 3-bean chili, cornbread, home made caesar salad, home-made guac and salsa, and we had all the fixin’s like sour cream, cheese, chopped onion, cilantro. And for dessert I made this chocolate truffle cake, but I drizzled it with raspberry jam and sprinkled tons of slivered almonds and fresh raspberries on top. Ugh, if you look at the recipe…it is no wonder I have gained 5 pounds in the last few months!!!

So my brother arrived and we drank some beers and hung out, finishing dinner. Then my mom and dad arrived at around 7pm. I hid my brother in the back room and sat my parents down with a drink. Then I said, “Oh! Mom — I have an early mother’s day present for you! Wait one sec” and I went to get my brother. I pushed him into the room and BOY was my mom surprised.  But then it just got annoying. My mom has nothing nice to say about my brother. Just that he causes her so much heart ache. Because he never visits and he rarely calls and he claims he has no vacation time but travels all over the world. That his priorities are fucked up. But the minute she is in the same room as him, she WORSHIPS him. And I disappear. I am the one that stayed in our home-town. But when my parents realized that my brother wasn’t coming back, they decided that there was nothing keeping them here (ummm…hello?) so they moved to France. I am the one they turn to anytime they need help. I am the one that talks to them at least once a week when they are in France and e-mails almost every day. My brother? He does shit. All he does is complain about them, and he sees them maybe once every two years. So watching my parents fawn all over him is so hard. I feel really jealous. He is their golden boy, no matter what he does. And somehow, my parents’ behavior always suprises me. And then so does my reaction.