Bad Wife – Good Step-Mom

First of all – I have to say that I agree with a lot of you – the NaComLeavMo concept is awesome and I love the comments. However, it is a shitload of work. I keep wanting to post and then I think — oh, I will check out some more blogs and make some comments. Then next thing I know, hours have gone by, and I haven’t posted, let alone read the comments that others are making on my own blog!

Reason number one that I am a bad wife (you be the judge):There is nothing in our fridge. I usually do all the grocery shopping, and I do it often. I have to drive right by our fave store on my way home from work, so I pop in to buy this or that. But for some reason over the past week, I haven’t shopped. And we have run out of everything. One would think that TW would catch a clue and maybe head to the store himself, so now it is kind of a test. How long will it take him to go to the store? Yesterday morning he wanted to make some sort of scramble. We had two eggs. And the only other thing he could find that would “go” with the eggs was baby carrots. So he made a baby carrot scramble. I thought it was pretty funny. Poor guy. I don’t think that a carrot scramble will be the new rage on the local breakfast menus.

Reason number two that I am a bad wife (you be the judge):I asked TW what he was going to get me for my birthday (which is tomorrow, by the way).  He responded, “I asked PT and she thought that a $50 gift certificate to Nordstrom would be the perfect gift”. I almost choked, then I started to cry (literally), then I tried to stab him in the eye with my half eaten corn on the cob. Nothing says, “I don’t like you very much” than a gift certificate to Nordstrom. Okay, nothing against Nordstrom, I actually do shop there quite a bit. But it is SO unimaginative. And, $50 would buy me one pant leg, maybe, if it is on sale. I know that PT thinks that $50 would buy her a car, but still. Why would he take a 12 year old’s advice? It turned into a big “to do” with tears on my end and anger on his. I came across as a crazy, greedy, bitch. And TW was like a deer in the headlights. Should I be such an ingrate? I mean — we are going through a hell of a remodel and bleeding money like stuck piggy banks. But truly, if he feels like he cannot afford to buy anything more than $50 for my birthday, I think we should just forgo the presents. I told him he could buy me a nice card. He could give me a foot rub or a back rub. He could cook me dinner AND do all the dishes. He could do some research and figure out a place we can hike with the dog, and take a picnic. There are lots of free or almost free things he could do. $50 would even buy me a mani/pedi/eyebrow job at my favorite salon. He just has to use his pea sized brain to figure it out. The figuring out is what counts…don’t you think? But I still do feel like a bad wife since he really wasn’t expecting such a violent reaction from such an innocent conversation. But he should know by now: I.LOVE.MY.BIRTHDAY. LOVE.LOVE.LOVE. So a $50 GC just doesn’t cut it.

Why I am a good step-mom – reason 1: I took X to the hospital yesterday. I drove 30 minutes, picked her and PT up, took X to the hospital, dropped PT off at school. I took the day off work to do it so I could be ready to pick X up when she needed a ride. I had to get her prescription, sit with her while she got her discharge instructions, get her into the car, get her into her apartment, set her up on the couch. I went to Trader Joe’s to get her some soup because she couldn’t eat solid food until after the general wore off completely. She thought someone was bringing food over but no one showed up. I also had to stay with her for 4 hours in case she had any trouble. At one point during the discharge instructions, the nurse put her hand on my arm and said, ‘You are such a good friend’. And X said, ‘Yes, she is’. It just felt so odd to hear her say that. This was a very emotional day for me, lots of mixed feelings bubbling up. I can’t hate her, but she has been so awful to us. And now she has cancer, and she has no one to turn to, except for the woman that her ex married. It is very strange.

Why I am a good step-mom – reason 2: I sat through an hour and a half of GRUELING music at the elementary school. It is so hard for me to even go there – because I look around at all the parents feeling like a fish out of water. I am the only woman that hasn’t pushed one of the kids out of my birth canal. I cannot even pretend to enjoy these fucking concerts. I look at my watch every 5 minutes and I physically cringe when someone misses a note. Everyone else thinks it is just adorable. And they clap and cheer and holler and take movies and pictures. Would I feel the same if one of my bio kids was up on the stage?? PT was in the very back row so we could barely see her. She wouldn’t have even known if we had left. I had to listen to the fucking songs that she practices every day. The dog howls so loud that he drowns out the viola that she is playing completely off tune. You know that corn cob I wanted to stab TW with? I wish I had had it so I could have poked my own ears out. So, I was watching this damn concert…and I noticed that every single kid at PT’s school is unattractive. Seriously. There are maybe 2 or 3 cute kids. Out of hundreds. What is the deal with that? How can there be so many ugly kids in one school? You would think that the law of averages would dictate that there would be 50% better than average and 50% below average. But truly, these kids are almost all below average. Someone hit them with an ugly stick. The girls have unibrows and mustaches. And the boys look like girls. Maybe it is the water. Okay – maybe I am not such a great step-mom after all. I was trying to prove I was a good step-mom because I sat through the concert, so give me a couple of points for that. 

I start Lu.pron shots tomorrow. I cannot believe I am starting IVF cycle #3. I am SO bored with the whole thing. Oh, the other day when I went to the clinic for some reason or other…I noticed that outside the clinic smells like dirty vagina. I know that is completely and totally disgusting to say. I think it is some sort of vile flower that grows on the trees. Have you ever entered the stall in the ladies room after an old lady has used it…and there is that ….. SMELL? It smells just like that. I truly hope my hootchie never smells like that. I will give TW the corn cob to kill me if it does. I just thought of the perfect birthday present for me. TW has his appointment tomorrow to whack off and deliver the goods to the clinic. How about he does it without complaining, and he gets to the lab on time, for once. That would make my day.




26 Responses to “Bad Wife – Good Step-Mom”

  1. Sassy Says:

    I hope you have a great day tomorrow and hubby surprises you with something really nice. 🙂

  2. giantspeedbump Says:

    Hahaha…if you are a bad wife/great step-mom…I guess I am too. Well I don’t have a step kid, but I laughed at your jokes.

    1. We don’t have anything in our fridge either.
    2. I love my birthday too – I got a computer monitor one year from my charming love partner.
    3. Unibrows and mustaches…bwaaaa ha ha ha.
    4. I KNOW THAT SMELL…and yes, it’s right after the older ladies in the bathroom stalls!!!! I thought I was the only one who noticed that. Dirty vagina…thanks for the belly laugh.

  3. Bonnie Says:

    I’m totally a bad wife also. I get pissy about what my husband gets me for birthdays, etc. He makes dinner more times than I do. I make him feed the pets I wanted to get, and clean the cat box for the cat I wanted. He never gets mad and I am a raging b*tch.

    It’s good to know there’s other self convicted bad wives out there. 😉

  4. JJ Says:

    Here from NCLM=) Wanted to wish you a very happy birthday tomorrow–May girls truly are the best! Hoping that your husband has a nice surprise(s) for you!

  5. Vanesssa Says:

    Happy Birthday! You sound like a fantastic Mother, and friend, even when others haven’t been great to you.

  6. Sam Says:

    As it is the 30th in the UK I guess that I can now say “Happy Birthday!”

    Popping in from NCLM!

  7. seriously? Says:

    Here from NCLM, I really love your blog. I just read through some of your past posts. You sound like a great wife. Sometimes we all fall down on the job.

    I hope you get a great present.

  8. Joonie Says:

    You are hilarious! You are both a good wife and an excellent stepmother! I know what you mean about the birthday thing too. I also love love love my birthday. My husband, however, does an absolutely horrible job buying me presents. After years of disappointment, we finally made a pact to just go out to dinner and do something fun and forget all about the present thing.

    Happy Birthday!!

    With love,

  9. Heather Says:

    I don’t think taking care of X makes you a good step-mom. I think it makes you a SAINT! I couldn’t do it after the things she has done. I’m not sure I know many people who could. That makes you a great everything – fuck it that your fridge isn’t full. He should worship you for what you do for him, for PT, and now for X.

    I hope you have a wonderful birthday! (and it is TOTALLY the thought that counts)

  10. docgrumbles Says:

    Hope you have a nice birthday!

    OH, and thanks for getting me thinking about that smell!

  11. Q Says:

    Happy Birthday!! Thanks for visiting my blog for NCLM.

    Regarding the bad wife stuff. #1 – that’s what restaurants are for if he doesn’t want to assist with the shopping. (As far as I’m concerned, anyway.) #2 Maybe the gift card thing was to throw you off what he really has planned? One can only hope…

    And the tree smell – here in SoCal, there is a tree that I SWEAR smells like fresh semen. There was once area near my old apartment that I used to smell it all the time. I should go back and see if there’s a fertility clinic nearby…

    And, your writing style makes me laugh. I’ll be back to see how you’re doing and cheer you on.

    Have a great birthday!!!! 😀

  12. DC Says:


    I agree with you about NaComLeavMo; I’m loving it, but it is taking up HOURS of my time every day. Oh, and for the record: I don’t think you’re a bad mom. 🙂

  13. DC Says:

    Wow . . . that was so strange. We were just leaving comments on each other’s blogs at the exact same time. Psychic moment?? 😉

  14. Busted Says:

    Haha – if you’re a bad wife per those standards, I’m the worst! Hope you get something unexpected besides the Nordstrom giftcard. Here via NaComLeavMo.

  15. JuliaS Says:

    NCLM is exhausting me too – but I am meeting all sorts of great and interesting people and reading many blogs I may not have gotten to read otherwise.

  16. Allison Says:

    How do you always manage to completely crack me up SEVERAL times in one blog entry. Baby carrot scramble, dirty vagina smell, ugly kids… I’m dying over here.

    Hope you have a great birthday! You are right – it IS all about the teensy bit of effort that is required. Hope TW gets a clue.

  17. Kim Says:

    You are a great step mom–and Happy Birthday!

    Here from NCLM

    Oh and I too am finding this both fun and a shit load of work!!!!

  18. Trace Says:

    I so wanted to do NaComLeavMo, but I didn’t think I would have the time and you confirmed that. At the same time I’m envious because it looks like such fun.

    Anyway, I have made suggestions like that to my husband for a couple of years now and I realized it boils down to him doing research and planning and apparently he lacks in that area just doesn’t want to be bothered.

    You cracked me up w/your smelly cootchie and carrot scramble story. Thanks for the smile and the comment even if I’m not in NaComLeavMo : – ).

  19. Pepper Says:

    This post cracked me up!
    1) I hate grocery shopping too and I live by myself. I used to love grocery shopping, but lately it just seems like a chore. If you’re anything like me, you have enough non perishables in the house to last weeks. You’ll all survive if you skip the store for another couple of days.
    2) I think the GC thing is a cop-out too. When I give one, I try to at least find a place that the givee likes and give an amount that’s reasonable. Fifty bucks at Nordstrom! Bless his heart, he probably didn’t know any better.
    3) You’re a saint for helping the woman who’s caused your family so much distress.
    4) Kiddie concerts = painful. And I love the unibrow comment!

    Happy belated birthday, BTW! And best of luck with your IVF.
    (Visit courtesy of NCLM)

  20. A Soldier's Girl Says:

    Hola from NCLM 🙂

    I don’t think you are a horrible wife…just busy! And, I can understand the disappointment in the gift card…:( With that being said, you are one hell of a step-mom!

    And thanks for the visual (or nasal) on the stinky vag 🙂

    Love the blog…I’ll def be back 🙂

  21. Chris Says:

    I’m wishing you the best as you start this next round of IVF. And I hope you had a super happy birthday!

  22. sara Says:

    I’m over from NCLM. I too get sucked into others blogs so this takes me awhile. I love doing it, but I need to get a little faster 🙂 I had to laugh at your scrambled egg story. About three months ago during our IVF, I hadn’t bought much groceries. My husband wanted to make an omlette and ended up with a hot dog omlette. That was all he could find!

  23. Katie Says:

    Via NaComLeavMo..
    It’s wearing me out to, I think I forgot to do my comments yesterday, or at least I think i did… is it worrying that I can’t remember?

  24. DC Says:

    Just stopping by to see how the Lu.pron’s going.

  25. Jendeis Says:

    Hope you had a lovely birthday and that the drugs are working but not driving you crazy.

  26. Sharon LaMothe Says:

    Hey there…Hope you had a great birthday…I commented on another post but I had to add that you are TOO FUNNY…and I have pushed a couple of kids out and I just CRINGE at those concerts…last year my daughter played trumpet…UGH…she is SO BAD!!! (but what can you expect from a first year on an ancient trumpet that was her fathers in Jr. High??) LOL…But at least they try…and YOU TRY just by being there and offering your support! That is what matters!

    LOL on the carrot scramble…I may even try that with hollandaise sause!
    Sharon (NCLM)

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