Status

I have been MIA. It seems like EVERYONE is getting pregnant around me, in blog-land, every where I turn IRL too. I keep having these morbid images of lying on my death bed — ALL ALONE. Of course, this is not the reason to have a baby, right? To make sure you don’t die alone? I don’t know why I keep thinking about these horrible things. I am thinking about going to the doctor to see if I should go on some anti-depressants temporarily. To get out of this funk. I just bumped into my co-worker that has been TTC. She said they are still trying, and nothing is happening. I asked how long she has been trying, and she said 1 year. I almost laughed out loud. It sounds like no time at all.

I talked to the doctor the other day and he gave me and TW these vitamins that are supposed to be really good – they better be, for the price. $104 per box. One box lasts 4 weeks. So that is $208 per month ON VITAMINS. These better be some fucking magical vitamins with super powers. The doctor also wants to do a water u/s on me to make sure my fibroids haven’t grown during my IVF treatments. Apparently quickly rising estrogen can cause growth in fibroids. I have some fibroids but no one has ever been too concerned. They are not inside my uterus, but outside. I hate water ultrasounds. I had one before and it hurt like a mother fucker…although I think the nurse who was squeezing the water was completely inept. My appointment for the water u/s is next Wednesday. Watch them say something like I don’t have a uterus after all. Nothing would surprise me.

Oh — my mom, in her way, sent me flowers after my BFN. The card said, “I love you anyway”. What the fuck? We spoke on the phone a few days later and she started doing the same old thing — listing all her friends who have grandkids, and who used fertility treatments, etc. Then she said, “And Sue’s daughter just went through her FOURTH IVF…”. I cut her off because I didn’t want to hear it. And then she said, “NO…I am telling you it DIDN’T work!” So I said, “And how is this news supposed to help me?” And her response was, “Because now you know you aren’t the only WIERDO who can’t have a baby!” Gee mom, thanks.

TW’s sister has disowned us for not agreeing to let their whore daughter live with us for free, in our brand new house, for two years. I am pleased with the outcome. No more holidays with the in-laws. An added bonus! This is the only happy news that I have gotten in a while.