I have been MIA. It seems like EVERYONE is getting pregnant around me, in blog-land, every where I turn IRL too. I keep having these morbid images of lying on my death bed — ALL ALONE. Of course, this is not the reason to have a baby, right? To make sure you don’t die alone? I don’t know why I keep thinking about these horrible things. I am thinking about going to the doctor to see if I should go on some anti-depressants temporarily. To get out of this funk. I just bumped into my co-worker that has been TTC. She said they are still trying, and nothing is happening. I asked how long she has been trying, and she said 1 year. I almost laughed out loud. It sounds like no time at all.

I talked to the doctor the other day and he gave me and TW these vitamins that are supposed to be really good – they better be, for the price. $104 per box. One box lasts 4 weeks. So that is $208 per month ON VITAMINS. These better be some fucking magical vitamins with super powers. The doctor also wants to do a water u/s on me to make sure my fibroids haven’t grown during my IVF treatments. Apparently quickly rising estrogen can cause growth in fibroids. I have some fibroids but no one has ever been too concerned. They are not inside my uterus, but outside. I hate water ultrasounds. I had one before and it hurt like a mother fucker…although I think the nurse who was squeezing the water was completely inept. My appointment for the water u/s is next Wednesday. Watch them say something like I don’t have a uterus after all. Nothing would surprise me.

Oh — my mom, in her way, sent me flowers after my BFN. The card said, “I love you anyway”. What the fuck? We spoke on the phone a few days later and she started doing the same old thing — listing all her friends who have grandkids, and who used fertility treatments, etc. Then she said, “And Sue’s daughter just went through her FOURTH IVF…”. I cut her off because I didn’t want to hear it. And then she said, “NO…I am telling you it DIDN’T work!” So I said, “And how is this news supposed to help me?” And her response was, “Because now you know you aren’t the only WIERDO who can’t have a baby!” Gee mom, thanks.

TW’s sister has disowned us for not agreeing to let their whore daughter live with us for free, in our brand new house, for two years. I am pleased with the outcome. No more holidays with the in-laws. An added bonus! This is the only happy news that I have gotten in a while.


20 Responses to “Status”

  1. Heather Says:

    Family members suck. I love mine, but they suck. Especially when they just don’t get it.

    And YAY!! For not having to deal with the in laws any more. Sometimes it is worth pissing people off.

  2. missedconceptions Says:

    Gosh, if you knew it was that easy to get rid of your SIL, what could you have done years ago?

    You are not a WEIRDO, regardless of what your mom says.

    I am glad you posted — I was getting worried. And, yes, those had better be some KICK ASS vitamins.

  3. journey to junior Says:

    “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your relatives.” ain’t it the truth? think about how much happier we’d all be if we could handpick our families. i’m sorry they are crazy – but i’m glad you are free of your ILs.

    and WTF about your mom? OMG. i know, i know, moms are trying in their own way to be supportive – but come the fuck on. calling you a weirdo – it doesn’t even make sense in the context of IF – let alone it is just plain RUDE. UGH. i’m so sorry. my own mother has pissed me off SO MUCH in this journey. i’m not sure i can ever truly forgive her. isn’t that horrible?

    i wish you didn’t have to feel alone and left behind. it really is the worst feeling in the world when you want something so, so badly. big, massive hugs from my side of the country. xoxoxox

  4. giantspeedbump Says:

    Glad you are back. Sorry about your Mom. Mom’s can be THE most hurtful, I find. They don’t even stop to think about what it would be like in your shoes because they can’t. They are too busy thinking about the fact that they are not grandparents yet.

  5. Pamela Jeanne Says:

    You’re not alone my dear friend. As for being disowned, I’d take that any day over the alternative!!! Will be in San Francisco this weekend, then we really must find time to get together…

  6. Chris Says:

    What a thing for your mom to say! However, you aren’t the only one. My mom says dumb things all the time and it’s really too bad having to blow off most of what is said.

    Was it your RE or another doc that gave you the vitamins? I hope they help.

    And good for you for putting your foot down about the unwanted houseguest!

  7. Joonie Says:

    Welcome back! I myself have been away from the blogland for while. Sometimes you just need to be alone and other times it helps to have support.

  8. Me Says:

    When I was a kid my mom used to always tell me to “Act normal.” I bet she has no clue how much that fucked up my perception of the world for YEARS. Why do our mothers say such stupid shit to us?

  9. Kahla Says:

    I have been wondering about you and checking for an update often. I’m so sorry your mom is saying stupid stuff, sometimes people just don’t get it, even when you really, really think they would! Kudos for you to standing up to your SIL, I can’t even believe she would expect ya’ll to do it. I would have disowned her!

  10. seriously? Says:

    I have been stopping by each day, thinking of you. No worries, we are all here when you need.

  11. amber Says:

    Your mom is a piece of work but she IS TRYING so you gotta give her points for that. Clueless but concerned. Kind-of sweet.

    Yea, no in-laws. Thats a win-win situation if I ever heard of one.

  12. Pepper Says:

    Yeah, the vitamins my old RE prescribed for me are $45 a month, and that’s the co-pay because they’re brand name. Insurance saves me a whopping eight bucks. I guess every little bit helps.

    As for your mamasita … oh my! What are ya gonna do? Hell.

    Hugs to you.

  13. Swim Says:

    It’s amazing the stupid things that come out of folks mouths when they think they are trying to soothe you about IF. My mom and sister have both said so many things but, they never called me a weirdo?!

    Sadly, I have those horrible thoughts of being alone when I am old and on my deathbed too. It sucks but sometimes I just can’t shake that feeling. Just remember, you are not the only one who thinks like that.

    Hugs to you!

  14. Lub Says:

    Gee- i would say you got the better end of the deal with that SIL! And your mom? Don’t people think before they speak? I know she meant well but sheesh!

  15. Bec Says:

    Wow – it sounds like you have a lot going on hon. Hope you are doing okay xxx

  16. Joonie Says:

    I’m just checking on you and want to let you know that I’m thinking of you. I hope you’re doing OK.

  17. Pepper Says:

    Love you much.


  18. Trish Says:

    I have been wondering how you were going . Sorry about the BFN – my heart aches for you seriously.

  19. Kirsten Eide Says:

    Hey Babystep, hope you’re doing ok…

  20. Leah Says:

    Are you alive? Been thinking about you…

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