8dp1dt

Gosh, I really don’t have much to report. The house is coming along, lots of little details to take care of. The contractor says he thinks we will be done on August 15th. That is SIX WEEKS from now! OMG. TW is a total nightmare project manager. I told him yesterday that I am ripping the landscaping project out of his dirty hands immediately. I keep telling him that the first words out of his mouth should be our measily budget. We have a gorgeous set of landscape plans, and the estimate was for $125,000. That is not happening right now. So I keep telling him that when he talks to landscapers, he should show them the plans, tell them our budget and say we are going to do this in phases. The ultimate goal is to end up with our landscaping looking just like the plans. But for now, we will live with what we can afford…focusing on the front yard for ‘curb appeal’. For some reason TW refuses to do this. Instead, he shows the plans to the landscapers and doesn’t say a peep. So they think we have deep pockets and come back with these exorbitant estimates. Our street address is deceiving. Yes, there are lots of wealthy people on our block, but we don’t fit that description!!! I am sure that these landscapers assume that we can just write a huge check without batting an eye. Anyway, I am very frustrated because if the house is going to be done in 6 weeks, we really need to get a move on. Oh…and yesterday TW said he picked pavers for our driveway. I did a calculation, and if we used those pavers, we would have a $60,000 driveway. OMG. He needs to take elementary school math again.

Oh — my contractor saw me get pulled over! I am so mortified. The next time I saw him, he greeted me with, “Hey Fugitive”. Then he start laughing hysterically. I know he is never going to let me live this one down. I also saw one of the kids who bags my groceries ride his bike by – he looked right at me. Note to self: Don’t get pulled over in the neighborhood!

Ugh. I am 8dp1dt. Shouldn’t I feel SOMETHING? Anything? I called my clinic b/c the progesterone is driving me nuts. I feel like I have the worst yeast infection I have ever had (except this happens each cycle, so I know it is the suppositories). The clinic said my only other option is PIO IM injections. I politely declined. I will deal with the bajingo bullets thank you very much.

PT is going to her mom’s for three whole weeks tomorrow. Is it horrible that I look forward to this time of year? Three whole weeks without PT is heaven. I know that TW hates it, but I love the break. I am not even going to feel guilty.

Yesterday I went to acupunture…I love it. I wish I was a bajillionaire so I could go every day. She was so cute…I told her that TW is convinced I am pregnant. When she asked me why, I said, ‘Probably because I am such a bitch all the time’. And you know what she said? She said she cannot imagine me being a bitch – ever. I guess she doesn’t know me all that well! But it gave me the warm fuzzies. And then I told her how wrong she is.

We have no plans for the 4th. Just how I like it. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday weekend! 6 more days until beta!

The Schedule

I am SO irritated right now. I just looked at TW’s schedule and he has a trip from November 7-11 and then another one on November 14-15. Hmmm. Guess what? My egg retrieval is scheduled for November 11 and the transfer on the 14th (estimates, but still). Guess what else? Those trips are the only ones on the calendar…he isn’t working (so far) the rest of the month! How can I be so lucky! I called my friend A to see if she could come with me if TW isn’t around, and of course she said she would, but I would much rather have my husband there. I mean, if I am going to get pregnant, it would be nice if my husband is in the same room!

I am going for my injections class tomorrow and I am going to ask if I can take two more days of BCP. This would push things up by 2 days and would work much better with TW’s schedule. Shouldn’t be a big deal to start 2 days later, I don’t think?

The one thing that I was happy about was that TW didn’t just shrug his shoulders and say, “Oh well, guess I won’t be there”. He did seem concerned and really wants to be here. The problem is he cannot change the work trips, there is no flexibility – I understand that. So if this is going to work out, I am going to have to shift my schedule by a couple of days.

On the remodel front, I am going to meet with the window dealer today to choose our new windows! This is my first shopping expedition for the house. Very exciting!

Triphasic Temp Chart?

As you know, I started spotting yesterday. Also, my temps are doing the drop, drop, drop that they do at this time of the month. HOWEVER, stupid Ovusoft told me this morning that I have a triphasic temperature chart. If you look at their definition, it says a triphasic pattern could mean that you are pregnant. But then it says that many pregnancies do not start off with a triphasic pattern. It also says that sometimes people who aren’t pregnant have triphasic temperatures. Why even bother using this as an indicator of pregnancy then? As far as I am concerned, it just puts false hopes in the minds of TTCers.

So even though my pattern is the same freaking pattern as the last 15 cycles (with never a BFP), now I have this tiny eensy bit of hope that my spotting was mystical implantaion spotting. AAAAACK!!! Here is my chart:

So, the internet works in the cottage! I guess the cable company never turned it off. TW wants me to just shut off the cable in the big house and not say anything. But that means that I won’t have my beloved DVR because we don’t have digital cable in the cottage. But it will save us $100 a month…maybe I’ll see if I can live without the DVR. Doubtful!!

We still have so much to do. It looks like a tornado struck the big house – literally. The walls are ripped off, and inside there are just piles and piles of crap. I want to plant myself in there until we are done. TW has other plans!!! I am trying not to stress. Everything will get done, right?

On the IVF front, I am still waiting for all my test results. I got my hepatitis results (negative) and HIV results (negative). Still have two more test results to come in…but I did call the clinic and they said I could do my lupron challenge before all the test results come in. SO — no delays!! That’s good news!!!

Just for fun – here is a picture of our lovely house. I will spare you an image of the interior.

The Luteal Phase Defect Myth? (UPDATED)

I am feeling VERY anxious. Part of it is that the remodel has made our life really chaotic. TW has been working all week and I feel really overwhelmed….packing and boxing and moving crap. Today he has the day off (and the rest of the weekend too!) so I have half a mind telling him – “I’m done! Have fun doing the rest!”. I am going to work today so we shall see how much he gets done. He better not sit in front of the computer today, or there will be HELL TO PAY. This weekend my friend M has offered to come over and help pack stuff up, so that will be fun to have some girl company.

So — One phrase that Dr. P said to me when we had our IVF consult is really bugging me. I told him I start spotting early and that his 12 day progesterone protocol doesn’t seem like enough for me. I told him I have a Luteal Phase Defect. This has hit home today because I started spotting at 10DPO. My temps are still high, so supposedly it really shouldn’t be that much of an issue if spotting starts at 10 or 11DPO. However, I just keep worrying that nothing will be able to implant if I start shedding my lining so soon. Dr. P. said, “We don’t know if Luteal Phase Defects exist”. I don’t understand that at all. There are so many other doctors that say it does exist and they treat it with progesterone. I need to check with him — do some of his patients have IVF success with short luteal phases? I didn’t ask that question specifically.

I don’t know if we will be able to cycle so quickly. My pathogen test results have just started to trickle in. Two out of five so far, and they need them all before we can do the lupron challenge. If I am spotting today, I will probably get my period on Sunday. I don’t think all my ducks will be in a row in time! I was SO excited to get started. I guess there is always next month.

Well ladies, we will be disconnecting the computer today and the internet has not moved to the cottage yet, so not sure if I will have internet this weekend. Have a great weekend, and I will try to check in soon!

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Okay, I just had to add this. A friend of mine from work who moved offices a while back just stopped by to say hello. She knows about my IF woes (not in all the glorious detail but knows that I have been trying for a while), and so I told her that we finally decided to try IVF. She said, “Well good luck with that…did I tell you our good news?” UGH. I don’t even need to tell you what she said, right?

A Day In The Life.

P.S. I am sitting at my home office, and construction is going on all around me. Jack-hammers and chain saws in my ears. There is a bright green porta-potty in my front yard. No sentiments, they are just tearing the place down around me. *whimper*. Not really. We have been waiting for this moment for TWO YEARS. I can’t believe it is finally happening!

Yesterday I took Sutter to the dog park. It amazes me how often there are opportunities to talk about IF, and the question is — should I say something or not? The characters in the story will be identified by the dog’s names. I have been going to this dog park 4-5 times a week for the last 6 months, so I have made some friends…we haven’t done anything outside of hanging out at the dog park, but I am always happy to see them when I am there (plus Sutter loves the dogs!)

First, I was talking to Marlo’s mom about random things. Mostly about our puppies and what freaks they are at 8 months. Sutter and Marlo have been in puppy school since they were 10 weeks old. I think they are in love with each other.  So I have gotten to know Marlo’s mom and dad pretty well over the last few months. I mentioned that TW was out of town, and so I was going to pick up sushi to take home with me (TW isn’t a sushi fan like I am). Marlo’s mom said, “I love sushi!” and then immediately, “but I can’t eat it right now”. OMG. Is she pregnant??? The expression on her face after she blurted it out was one of a little surprise…like she shouldn’t have said it. I glanced at her tummy – flat as ever. Maybe she just found out? I was burning to say something but kept it to myself. I am still dying to ask her, but don’t know if I should. The moment has passed. She has been married just over a year….that’s it. I of course assume that they decided to start trying and got pregnant the first month. According to my RE at the IVF clinic, that is how it happens for 1 out of every 4 couples!!!

Later, I was talking to Marlo’s mom and Maddie’s mom. They have both met PT several times. Maddie’s mom commented on how tall PT is. This question, although very innocent, always gets to me. Because PT is taller than I am, and she is only 11 years old. I am 5 foot 2 on a good day. PT’s mother is almost 6 feet tall! People always comment on PT’s height, and then I have to tell them, well, her MOTHER is tall. And then inevitably the next set of questions is: OH! How long were TW and X married? And “Isn’t it hard being a step-mom?” And “Isn’t it hard on PT to go back and forth between houses?” BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I should tape record my answers and play them back. It is always the exact same thing. *SIGH*.

Marlo and Maddie’s moms know that PT is my step-daughter so it wasn’t that big a deal when Maddie’s mom commented on PT’s height. I told her that X is super tall and then she asked me all sorts of questions – do I get along with X, does TW get along with X, etc. And then. The. Next. Inevitable. Question.

“Don’t you want kids of your own?????”

Fuck. I HATE this. I usually just say, “We are talking about it”, or something like that. Maddie’s mom is a single 34 year old, looking for a husband (or boyfriend for that matter)…so I am sure she has her own struggles. For all I know she looks at my life – house in a nice town, step-daughter, dog, cute husband, etc. – and is envious of me! Everything is relative, right? In any event, I answered the question with: “We are working on it but it isn’t happening”. She hesitated and said, “OH! Well….sorry…..” I told her not to worry about it. WHY do people think asking if I want kids is an appropriate question if they don’t want the real answer? I felt like I should elaborate, so I said, “You know, we have been married 5 years and we wanted to wait a little while, but now I am getting old and things aren’t happening as quickly as we would like”. Then Maddie’s mom and Marlo’s mom both asked me how old I was, and said I look so young, and blah, blah, blah. At that moment two guys came and sat at our table so we changed the subject abruptly. Maddie’s mom was occupied talking to the men, and Marlo’s mom leaned over to me and said, “There is this great book…do you mind talking about this?” and I told her it was fine. So she said, “There is this great book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility…”. OMG. I almost started laughing out loud!!! I told her I have it, that I have practically memorized it, and that I am addicted to taking my BBT. She looked a little embarrassed and was quiet. I then leaned over to her and said, “We have tried everything, we are going to do IVF”. Something about the conversation seemed to tell me she isn’t pregnant yet. Maybe she is trying and isn’t eating sushi just to be precautious…maybe she is just in her 2ww. Do people buy the TCOYF book if they have JUST started? My gut tells me it is usually after a few months of trying without luck.

Later, Jake’s mom and and dad showed up at the dog park. They are in their early 40s. I was chatting with them, small talk, and then mentioned that my house was about to be demo’d for a remodel. Jake’s dad asked me what we were doing to the house, and I told him we were making a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house into a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom. Guess what he said: “You only have one kid, right”? I said, “Yes”. And he said, “What, are you planning to have two or three more kids?” WHY?!?!? Why does everyone always go straight to these questions? So I said, “Actually we are planning to have 10 more kids and then we are going to call Extreme Home Makeover.”

Mind you, these three interactions were all within my one hour stint at the dog park last night. I want to put a stamp on my forehead that says, “Please don’t ask me about kids unless you want the gory details”.

Updates: Dr. Z, The Remodel, and getting punched in the gut

Dr. Z: I had my phone consult with Dr. Z yesterday. He called me at about 4:10pm (I was at work) so I shut my door and told my staff not to bug me. I went into it a little apprehensive because when I did my preliminary research, I felt that Dr. Z’s clinic was a little slick. They sent me a fat envelope of marketing materials with slick brochures and a DVD. I watched the DVD and it was all these happy couples gushing about what a miracle the whole experience was. It was a little “sales-y” for me if you know what I mean. But the phone call was great. He was very personable, asked lots of questions, we chatted about my family, TW’s family, our goals, plans, what we do. I really, really, liked him. I had questions about their process and he was very patient with me. He was super attentive and had a really great manner about him. I got a really good vibe. After the call he sent me an e-mail with eleven (Yes! ELEVEN) PDF attachments of things he wants me to read. It will be my project this weekend. He also told me about the SART website (Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology)…I hadn’t seen it before. You can research the different clinics and compare their success rates, etc. I have to say, the success rate numbers make me super nervous. A woman of my “advanced age” doesn’t look that good on paper. Also the N clinic’s numbers were really bad compared with Dr. Z. I know that the numbers can be skewed — some clinics work with people who are at the end of their rope and don’t have as much success. Other clinics pre-screen their patients to make sure that success is likely. I don’t know what to think. I was totally honest with him and told him that I was researching other places and would make a decision the week of the 17th. He encouraged me to make a phone consult with the financial coordinator and the clinical coordinator just to get a feel for what the process will entail, so I have those appointments on the 14th. I got so excited after hanging up the phone – WE ARE REALLY GOING TO DO THIS!!

The Remodel: OMG I almost died of a heart attack. TW was at work so I met with our builder alone. He handed me the bid: a good $150K over what we thought. I almost started crying, and my heart fell into my stomach. I know my face went white and the builder didn’t know what to do with me. He said he was going to look it over again and see if he can bring it down some…he is going to get back to me next week. I called TW and was panicked. We have been waiting on this, working with the architect, got the landscaper lined up, etc. for two years. I cannot imagine not doing it now, but I refuse to live in a gorgeous house eating top ramen and canned beans because we can’t afford anything else. TW talked me down. He thinks we can still do it. I hope he is right. I am SO nervous especially knowing that IVF is around the corner (a huge expense). TW said, “we just got our cars fixed, and we don’t have any other big expenses coming up…” I said, “WHAT? We don’t have any other big expenses coming up???” Hmmm. Guess he forgot about IVF. What a dimwit.

Getting Punched in the Gut: Last night PT needed a signature on a form for school, something for the computer lab. She asked me where her dad was (he was out back, picking up dog poop, bless his heart), and I said, “Oh — give me the form, I can sign it”. She said, “No you can’t sign it, I need dad to sign it. It says, ‘parent‘, not ‘parent or guardian“. It is these simple little statements that really kill me. It isn’t PT’s fault, but it really cut me to the quick.

That’s Bureaucracy For Ya!

So…we are starting a remodel. Well, we have been planning to start a remodel for about a year and a half, and so far we have just managed to spend thousands of dollars and have nothing to show for it. Finally some progress. We have submitted for permits! TW had to take a 10 pound roll of large documents to City Hall and submit them to the planning department. The girl at the desk said that they would review the documents and call us when we could come and pick them up to submit them to the building office. Amazingly the very next day, we got the call. I went down to city hall to pick them up and deliver them to the building office. And guess what — the “Building Office” is in the same building as the “Planning Department”. Not only is it in the same building, it is behind the same counter. There is a large sign above the right hand side of the counter that says, “PLANNING”. On the left hand side of the counter, there is a large sign hanging up that says, “BUILDING”. I literally took the documents from one end of the counter, and gave them to the guy behind the other end of the counter. I guess that is what $2200 worth of permit fees paid for.