A Day In The Life.

P.S. I am sitting at my home office, and construction is going on all around me. Jack-hammers and chain saws in my ears. There is a bright green porta-potty in my front yard. No sentiments, they are just tearing the place down around me. *whimper*. Not really. We have been waiting for this moment for TWO YEARS. I can’t believe it is finally happening!

Yesterday I took Sutter to the dog park. It amazes me how often there are opportunities to talk about IF, and the question is — should I say something or not? The characters in the story will be identified by the dog’s names. I have been going to this dog park 4-5 times a week for the last 6 months, so I have made some friends…we haven’t done anything outside of hanging out at the dog park, but I am always happy to see them when I am there (plus Sutter loves the dogs!)

First, I was talking to Marlo’s mom about random things. Mostly about our puppies and what freaks they are at 8 months. Sutter and Marlo have been in puppy school since they were 10 weeks old. I think they are in love with each other.  So I have gotten to know Marlo’s mom and dad pretty well over the last few months. I mentioned that TW was out of town, and so I was going to pick up sushi to take home with me (TW isn’t a sushi fan like I am). Marlo’s mom said, “I love sushi!” and then immediately, “but I can’t eat it right now”. OMG. Is she pregnant??? The expression on her face after she blurted it out was one of a little surprise…like she shouldn’t have said it. I glanced at her tummy – flat as ever. Maybe she just found out? I was burning to say something but kept it to myself. I am still dying to ask her, but don’t know if I should. The moment has passed. She has been married just over a year….that’s it. I of course assume that they decided to start trying and got pregnant the first month. According to my RE at the IVF clinic, that is how it happens for 1 out of every 4 couples!!!

Later, I was talking to Marlo’s mom and Maddie’s mom. They have both met PT several times. Maddie’s mom commented on how tall PT is. This question, although very innocent, always gets to me. Because PT is taller than I am, and she is only 11 years old. I am 5 foot 2 on a good day. PT’s mother is almost 6 feet tall! People always comment on PT’s height, and then I have to tell them, well, her MOTHER is tall. And then inevitably the next set of questions is: OH! How long were TW and X married? And “Isn’t it hard being a step-mom?” And “Isn’t it hard on PT to go back and forth between houses?” BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I should tape record my answers and play them back. It is always the exact same thing. *SIGH*.

Marlo and Maddie’s moms know that PT is my step-daughter so it wasn’t that big a deal when Maddie’s mom commented on PT’s height. I told her that X is super tall and then she asked me all sorts of questions – do I get along with X, does TW get along with X, etc. And then. The. Next. Inevitable. Question.

“Don’t you want kids of your own?????”

Fuck. I HATE this. I usually just say, “We are talking about it”, or something like that. Maddie’s mom is a single 34 year old, looking for a husband (or boyfriend for that matter)…so I am sure she has her own struggles. For all I know she looks at my life – house in a nice town, step-daughter, dog, cute husband, etc. – and is envious of me! Everything is relative, right? In any event, I answered the question with: “We are working on it but it isn’t happening”. She hesitated and said, “OH! Well….sorry…..” I told her not to worry about it. WHY do people think asking if I want kids is an appropriate question if they don’t want the real answer? I felt like I should elaborate, so I said, “You know, we have been married 5 years and we wanted to wait a little while, but now I am getting old and things aren’t happening as quickly as we would like”. Then Maddie’s mom and Marlo’s mom both asked me how old I was, and said I look so young, and blah, blah, blah. At that moment two guys came and sat at our table so we changed the subject abruptly. Maddie’s mom was occupied talking to the men, and Marlo’s mom leaned over to me and said, “There is this great book…do you mind talking about this?” and I told her it was fine. So she said, “There is this great book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility…”. OMG. I almost started laughing out loud!!! I told her I have it, that I have practically memorized it, and that I am addicted to taking my BBT. She looked a little embarrassed and was quiet. I then leaned over to her and said, “We have tried everything, we are going to do IVF”. Something about the conversation seemed to tell me she isn’t pregnant yet. Maybe she is trying and isn’t eating sushi just to be precautious…maybe she is just in her 2ww. Do people buy the TCOYF book if they have JUST started? My gut tells me it is usually after a few months of trying without luck.

Later, Jake’s mom and and dad showed up at the dog park. They are in their early 40s. I was chatting with them, small talk, and then mentioned that my house was about to be demo’d for a remodel. Jake’s dad asked me what we were doing to the house, and I told him we were making a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house into a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom. Guess what he said: “You only have one kid, right”? I said, “Yes”. And he said, “What, are you planning to have two or three more kids?” WHY?!?!? Why does everyone always go straight to these questions? So I said, “Actually we are planning to have 10 more kids and then we are going to call Extreme Home Makeover.”

Mind you, these three interactions were all within my one hour stint at the dog park last night. I want to put a stamp on my forehead that says, “Please don’t ask me about kids unless you want the gory details”.

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4 Responses to “A Day In The Life.”

  1. kona Says:

    I agree- why do people ask if they don’t want the REAL answer (are you planning to have kids). It’s so personal. Sometimes it’s nice to be honest and other times, a flippant response is in order. I have had people ask me if I had kids, and if I said no, they would say,”Oh, I guess you are one of those that don’t want kids, huh?” That would make my blood boil. ;-( People are so ignorant and make assumptions. It’s none of their business!!! I’m sorry you have to deal with the same questions over & over.

  2. Pamela Jeanne Says:

    Oh geez! It’s such a mind f*#k when these conversations come at you like waves on the shore…one after another. I’m thinking I may need to order up the stamp! Sorry you had to deal with the onslaught on intrusive questions.

  3. lub Says:

    I’m with ya- stop asking! I can’t stand that question. And yes, its funny when non-IF’ers try to give advice like TCOYF- like we don’t know! Anyway, I have an 8 month old puppy too (and a 5 monther)- I don’t know what I’d do without them!

  4. SaraS-P Says:

    Yes, don’t ask unless you can handle the answers!

    The TCOYF recommendation reminds me of when my crazy boss (who knew I’d been trying for over a year) asked me, “Did you know you could track ovulation by your temperature???” UM, yeah, I know that well!

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