Ass Tea

I switched from my herb pills to the tea this morning. Boy. Does. That. Stuff. Taste. Like. Ass. You know why your dog tries to lick your face after he licks his butt? To get the taste out of his mouth. Well, I was almost ready to lick my dog’s butt to get the taste of the tea out of my mouth.

Sorry to be so gross, but truly, this is just plain torture. I e-mailed my acupuncturist and she just said I had to grin and bear it. I asked her if I could PLEASE put something in it (like 5 scoops of ice cream, maybe?) to hide the taste and she said that the taste is part of the treatment. I don’t understand that at all. I ended up cheating because when I was almost done, the bottom several gulps were very concentrated. I just couldn’t do it. So I took some orange juice and diluted it so I could get the rest down. I have to take this tea from today through the first day of my period. I have never wanted my period to come early before….but please get here quick!

Last night TW and I had dinner with my parents. We went to one of my fave restaurants and the evening was quite pleasant. But then my mom started talking about babies. She has this habit of spewing out announcements of all her friends who have new grandkids, or grandkids on the way. Then she tells me how old these women are who are having babies, and always focuses on the women over 40. She detailed three or four of these oh-so-touching stories and then I just cut her off. I know she has the best of intentions, and it used to be that these stories of 40+ year old women getting pregnant would give me hope. But now it just hurts me. And I feel so alone and abnormal. So I told her. I told her I cannot talk about these things with her anymore. I know that she wants a grand baby almost as much as I want a baby myself. But I am done talking about it with her, because I always end up crying. You know what her response was? She said, “But I didn’t even mention this person or that person or this person!” Like keeping her stories to four out of a possible seven was really helping me out. And by answering that way, she managed to throw in three more names of people that got pregnant over 40.

She is coming to stay with me for two nights next week, in our teeny, tiny cottage with one bathroom. She is going to sleep on the bottom bunk of PT’s bed. FUN! I hope I don’t end up killing her after two days. I already sent her an e-mail that babies are a forbidden topic. I hope she doesn’t have 3 glasses of her cream sherry and forgets. Because I will lose it on her if she does! I am going to take advantage of her staying with us though. She will cook dinner for us and take PT to and from school. My mom no longer drives but the school is only 3 blocks away. I hope she doesn’t get lost!! TW is out of town all week, so my mom said she wanted to come and stay. I think she wants to take care of us (or at least that is the pretense). The truth is that she and my dad are driving each other nuts, so she needs a little break. I hope we get along!

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5 Responses to “Ass Tea”

  1. docgrumbles Says:

    I have read soooo many similar descriptions of teas prescribed by herbalists and accupuncturists … I think if I ever visit one, I’ll say, “Please make me drink ass!” before saying hello.

  2. journey to junior Says:

    oh, yes, the mother minefield. i can’t talk to my mother either. she has NO IDEA how to give empathy or understanding. one time she listed how many grandchildren all of her friends had. it was excrutiating.

    good luck with the teas. BLECH.

  3. Kirsten Eide Says:

    Oh man, that tea… well I don’t even know if we can dignify it and call it tea… is THE most REVOLTING stuff i’ve EVER had to endure. I did 2 months and then I just couldn’t bring myself to continue!

  4. missedconceptions Says:

    I should have warned you that the tea was going to taste like ass. My colitis herbs were so BITTER and my acupuncturist told me that it was part of the healing power. Ewww. It is nasty, so just be sure to drink it as quickly as possible and think that it is doing some good (even if you have no idea how exactly it is working).

    I love the idea of your mom sleeping in the bottom bunk! 🙂

  5. Freyja Says:

    My MIL doesn’t bring up other’s babies – no, instead she brings up MY future babies. The ones she knows we’ll have, even despite our continued problems. And no matter how much I try to gently direct her attentions elsewhere she’s always emphatic on the topic. *sigh* Why can’t they understand?

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