Back in a dark hole

I am so boring and predictable. Today I feel like shit again. Another girl on one of my IVF boards just got a BFP. That is something like SIX in the last couple of months. I feel like THE ONLY PERSON ON THE PLANET that is not pregnant. Logical huh? And I hate how I can’t be happy for other people, I just get bitter and depressed and sad for myself. How did I ever become so selfish.

What happened to being PUPO (Pregnant until Proven Otherwise)? These embryos haven’t even been in for two days yet.

I just can’t see it happening for me.

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8 Responses to “Back in a dark hole”

  1. Heather Says:

    You can send Hope on over to my house. I’ll keep her safe and happy for you.

  2. SaraS-P Says:

    It can be hard to believe when being proven otherwise would be so crushing. Fingers crossed…

  3. Leah Says:

    Consider this a warm, reassuring hug. Know that — beyond a shadow of a doubt — every single thing you are feeling is perfectly normal. It’s difficult to hold up hope when the road thus far has been paved with such painful shit. Therefore, I will pray like mad that those embies are snuggling in for the long haul. I’ll be optimistic enough for the both of us.

  4. Trace Says:

    It’s hard not to crawl into that hole. Especially when there are hormones aggravating the situation. Sending good vibes your way!!

  5. Jenna Says:

    I’m so sorry you are feeling down about this. I really wish we could just fast forward through the next week or so and get you the answers you need to move on… one way or another.

    Please know I’m thinking of you and knowing deep down that it’s more than quality embryos that makes one stick.

  6. PamelaJeanne Says:

    It’s so hard not to fall into those feelings when you want something so very much. I fight those feelings still…just acknowledging them is the first step in conquering them.

  7. Freyja Says:

    Forgive me while I play Devil’s Advocate:

    Why? Why don’t you see it happening for YOU? Maybe I haven’t read ENOUGH of your archives but from what I can tell, you don’t have anything so obviously horribly f*cked up about your biology that I can’t see it happening for you.

    I know you know what I’m talking about. There are those people whose pages you read and you think to yourself, WOW this is OBVIOUSLY going to be a VERY difficult journey for them. You don’t have that thing going on. As far as I’ve seen, there is no special reason why this CAN’T work for you. You see what I’m saying? I don’t know if it will work or not. But it MIGHT!

    I know I’m annoyingly right – it’s a dirty job but somebody’s gotta do it. 😉

  8. Leslie Says:

    Bitter, depressed, sad…okay, but I wouldn’t call you selfish. I’ll continue to keep hoping for you, but you have to remember that you definitely are PUPO, no question about it. <>

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