Yes, back to CD1.

I am going to do an IVF cycle…I am gearing up. I went to the clinic today for my blood draw…I am SO lucky that my clinic is literally 2 miles from my office. I feel ready. I AM READY. The nerves that I felt before the first cycle are not there, because the fear of the uknown is not there. The fear of failure is there though — so much so. I struggle to keep a positive outlook.

TW has an appointment to “do his thing” on Valentine’s Day, to give a sample for freezing as a back-up. Nothing like a little self-love on Valentine’s Day! I am pretty sure that as things are going, I will be doing this cycle solo. TW’s work schedule is really whacked for the next couple of months.

So, I give myself a Lupron shot on Sunday at 5pm, and go in for a 2nd blood draw on Monday at 9am. The lovely Lupron Challenge. I hope that I respond okay!

At the clinic, they installed a new HD TV in the lobby, a huge flat screen. And what were they showing? “Planet Earth”. If any of you haven’t seen the series, it is a MUST. But the ironic thing is that the episode they were playing was about a polar bear. Yes, my lovely, sad, endangered polar bear. They were showing him swim from an ariel view, going under ice flows and back up for air. I wanted to sit there all day and watch him. I was tearing up just watching, while waiting for the nurse to call me. I wanted to tell her to wait when she called my name but I dragged myself in the room. When I came out after the blood draw, it was the scene where the starving polar bear was trying to kill a walrus. He was too weak and too slow. And the walrus got away, but not before injuring the polar bear’s foot. It was not a fatal wound, but the poor bear was too weak from starvation. The last scene he lies down and shuts his eyes. And you know he wasn’t going to open them again. My poor, lovely bear. I wish I could help him.

Watching the polar bear swim reminded me of my dream.

What is it about the polar bear? He keeps coming back to me at random moments. I hope he brings me some luck. Somehow. Please.


8 Responses to “CD1”

  1. swim Says:

    I am so glad you are feeling positive about this next IVF cycle. I am struggling at the moment to stay positive about my cycle and I’m 7 days into stimming.

    I wish I could have a cool polar bear dream like you, instead i had a dream last night that my toothbrush was human sized and following me around?! Polar bears are powerful and i hope they bring you strength this cycle.

  2. missedconceptions Says:

    Yeah for new cycles!

    I didn’t realize they did a Lupon challenge every month?!?

    Please wish TW and his cup a happy Valentine’s day!

  3. PamelaJeanne Says:

    Wishing you well on this cycle — it’s a new day and a new opportunity for success, yes? I’m sending the best vibes I can your way…

  4. Kona Says:

    Good luck this cycle Baby Step!!!!!! I hope your polar bears bring you luck. DH got the Planet Earth DVD series for Christmas. It’s great. But there are sad scenes, too. (I like the big cats best). A huge truckload of good luck & baby dust to you! 😉

  5. Ashley Bass Says:

    I am so glad your READY for this IVF. I know that will make alot of difference. Also, maybe your nerves will not be so bad since you know how it works this time. I hope by the time of the transfer your able to get on a more positive note.

    As for the polar bears, I hate people for what they do to our world and how it hurts poor, innocent animals. I have to keep myself from thinking about it or I would be in tears everyday, allday!

  6. SaraS-P Says:

    Hope this new cycle is a good one!

  7. Trace Says:

    Good luck!!!

  8. Lizzy Says:

    I’m really glad to know you’re getting started on this road again and hope that your protocol yields some really nice embryos for you. I can’t wait to follow your progress.

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