My new friend

8dp3dt

My new friend “C” was really nice. Her story was pretty amazing. She married a guy 15 years her senior when she was 25. When she was about 30 they started TTC, but nothing happened. Her husband has three kids from a prior marriage (they were in grade school when they got married) so they were completely surprised when the RE told them that sperm motility was the issue. They went straight to IVF. The first cycle, they got 7 eggs (just like me) and put two in. They froze two and the other three didn’t make it. She got pregnant the first time! Surprisingly her low beta numbers turned out to be twins. She carried the twins to term, but one of them died three days after he was born. So sad. I wasn’t really sure what the complication was. She said something about the baby’s penis having retained some fluid and getting an infection, but I didn’t really understand what happened….I didn’t want to ask questions, she was getting teary talking about it. But her other baby thrived and is now in 2nd grade.

After the trauma of losing a baby, her husband was completely against embryo transfers of more than one embryo. He was just too scared of having multiples. So they did FIVE more IVFs, transferring one embryo only. None of them stuck. For the last attempt, they put two embryos in, and she has her 4 year old son.

When we were having coffee at the Starbucks, this other woman walked in that I recognized, but didn’t know. She was also a mom at PT’s school. C knows her and after the other woman left, C told me that the woman also did IVF! She had triplets and one of them was lost as well, but she has her twins in 2nd grade. It made me wonder…how many other kids at PT’s school came from IF treatments? For the last 5+ years, every time I went to PTs school for whatever reason, I always looked around feeling sorry myself, looking at all the moms and thinking they all had it so easy. But obviously that was not the right attitude. The stat is something like 20% of couples have trouble conceiving. So, out of the 500 or so families at PT’s school, maybe 50-75 dealt with IF? (I dropped it from 20% to 10-15% because I guess some couples who go through IF never end up having kids…so obviously they wouldn’t be at PT’s school). But this was really eye opening. Sometimes I am so self absorbed. Even though I realize that IF hits so many people, it is hard not to just focus on ME, ME, ME.

C was really sweet, but kind of dingy. I told her that I had questionable egg quality based upon my fertilization report. She said, “What is a fertilization report?” And she asked a bunch of questions about IVF that I thought someone who had been through it seven times would already know…I realize she did it starting 7 years back and maybe things have changed somewhat, but still. I thought SHE would be more of expert, but she seemed to just look at the whole process as some sort of miracle. It seems like she went through the motions for IVF, but didn’t do any reading about it and never tried to UNDERSTAND what was going on in her body. I guess everyone is different. I couldn’t go through this process without trying to understand everything.

She also kept repeating herself that she KNOWS I am pregnant, she just knows it. I like positive attitudes, and I certainly need them, but sometimes it is annoying. She kept saying, “You have good egg quality!” but I had just told her that we weren’t sure about that. She wants me to call her on Friday so we can meet that night (the night of my beta). I am so nervous. I guess I will see how I feel. If I have a negative beta, I think I will be crawling under a rock for a while.

One thing I have been thinking about that really threw me at acupuncture on Saturday. Of all people, K has always been SUPER positive during this process. She has always said I don’t need any luck, that IVF was going to work for me, blah, blah. For some reason when K does this it isn’t annoying…maybe because I feel like she has experience dealing with IF people in her practice and she has seen the success stories with her own two eyes. But this last session, when she asked me how I felt and I told her that I didn’t think it worked, she didn’t try to talk me out of that feeling. She just said, ‘Oh, okay’ and became quiet. Then I was the one that tried to explain that maybe it did work, I don’t have symptoms but it may not mean anything, some people don’t have any symptoms this early….and K agreed with me, but she was kind of quiet about it. Then later she even slipped and said, “So next time you try IVF…” So, I have a feeling K doesn’t think it worked either.

Trying to just hold out until Friday, but having another BFN after all this is going to be really hard to bear.

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10 Responses to “My new friend”

  1. sarasp Says:

    I sure hope she indeed “knows” something!

  2. Trace Says:

    That chick does sound pretty flighty. Was she even listening to what you were saying?

    I always wonder about the number of people in our area who have to form their family through alternative means. I find myself thinking we must be the only couple in our area who is doing donor insemination. Come on I live in a major metropolitan area…

  3. kona Says:

    BayStep- I think your IVF worked!!!!!!!! So there! 😉 Your positive attitude is great. Hope for the best! There is nothing wrong with that. So many times I was *sure * I was pregnant, when ugly AF showed. Likewise, the times you are pregnant…it’s so unexpected (well not truly, you know what I mean). You are so used to seeing BFNs that when you see that BFP and get good results on your HCG…it’s soooooo amazing and you just cannot believe it. Sticky vibes to you & your little embies!!!!! 🙂

  4. mukhopadhyay Says:

    Hi,
    I’ve been following/enjoying/crying from your blog for a few months now, and I believe we are at about the same “age” in our IVF progress. I am also going through acupuncture, and I’m wondering: is your acupuncturist is working on a specific problem the RE has identified, or is she simply trying to keep your reproductive system in tip top shape? We’ve experienced a major miracle with our acupuncturist, and hope that translates into a positive pregnancy test on the 6th. If your test is positive I’m going to take it is as a positive sign that ours will be as well. My fingers and toes are crossed for both of us.

  5. Yodasmistress Says:

    “I couldn’t go through this process without trying to understand everything.”

    Ditto that. I have wondered the same thing SEVERAL times about IF women I’ve encountered. I’m sorry but I just don’t have that kind of blind faith in doctors – I’ve seen too much with my DH’s medical journey…

    Only time will tell if it is a success or not. I *know* it’s hard but try to stay positive – after all, if it didn’t work, there will be tons of time for sulking and saddness (and wine) then.

  6. Kim Says:

    R’s out of town until late next week. I’m ‘supposed to’ call on Day 31 (hahaha) if I haven’t gotten my period… but uh, no. I’ll be calling on Friday. Wanna pee together sometime this week? lol

    I agree with Yoga above. I have an IF friend (same doctor) who is not pregnant after the same protocol as me. She is such a ‘by the book’ little know-it-all… if she tells me one time, ‘just wait until after day 14 to test’ or ‘*I* waited until day 17… I figure they tell me to wait for a reason’. Uhm no, I’ve researched this more than anyone ever should… I know my trigger is gone because I watched it fade out. So to me, ANY line IS a line now that the trigger is gone, whether it’s before or after the sacred ‘day 14’. (This is all in response to my maybe it’s a line, maybe it’s not saga today from starting at a damn 10dpiui test for so long) I can’t NOT do it, I have to know everything. I don’t trust anyone, including my doctor… his guess seems to be as good as mine in all of this, he just has the power to write prescriptions and order tests. Otherwise, it’s really not rocket science.

  7. Kim Says:

    Ack, the above should say NOW pregnant, not NOT pregnant.

  8. giantspeedbump Says:

    Hi there,
    For what it’s worth, I have a friend who did IVF with success and when I took her to lunch to try to talk to her about it, it was like aliens had come and wiped out any memory of the event. Seriously, she couldn’t remember any details such as how many follicles or eggs, how high her doses were…nothing. And it had only been a year earlier! She admitted that she forgets she even did IVF, but come on…I mean, my details are etched in my brain for the rest of my life. I guess everyone is different.

  9. Ashley Bass Says:

    I totally agree with your post on the IVF’er. I have met so many people who have been through IF who have no clue what I am talking about! Crazy! Anyway, I am really wishing you luck on Friday. Just so you know…I am 12 weeks pregnant and wouldn’t know it! I am a little bit of queasy episodes here and there, but not often. I still have to pee on a HPT every once in a while just to make sure. :] Crazy, huh?

  10. swim Says:

    I don’t see how anyone could just go on blind faith through all the medical procedures and many witch doctors through this process. I question everything the docs tell me and have done enough research to write a book (not that I want to).

    I’m hopeful for you and your beta on Friday.

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