Shoot ’em Up

Yesterday I had my injections/instructions “class”. It was just me and the nurse. She is so great, she is really cheerful and positive. Super young and single. I wonder how hard it is to be that young and surrounded with so many embittered IFers? It was so odd, when I walked into the clinic it was PACKED. Standing room only. I rarely see anyone else there (or just one or two patients). I was looking at all the couples and wondering what their stories were. No one made eye contact with anyone else. But it is interesting being in a room, knowing that we are all there for the same thing: we want a baby and can’t have one on our own. There was an Indian couple and the wife brought her mother. My mom is from India…I couldn’t help but wonder what the cultural pressures are. I think it is very different than in the West. There was also a middle eastern couple, a Latino couple and two Asian couples. Then there were two tall, skinny, coifed women that look a lot like the stay-at-home moms in my neighborhood. Infertility does not discriminate, that is for sure. The place was so busy that my nurse ran 45 minutes late, which was a little annoying. I saw my doctor but he kind of blew by me and didn’t say anything. I wonder if he didn’t recognize me — we met for an hour or so a few weeks back for my initial consult. Maybe he would have recognized me if I dropped my pants. Anyway, I was glad I had my mini-class at the pharmacy, because the session with the nurse just reinforced it all. I have this great calendar/check-list that the clinic gave me so I can check off what I do each day. It will be hard to mess up, even with my nerves so ragged.

I started my Lu.pron injections today. I feel so uncoordinated…I have to inject 5 units of air into the bottle and then pull 5 units of Lup.ron into the syringe. Even just removing both caps from the syringe throws me. And remembering to wipe down the rubber stopper with alcohol and my tummy too…I was also nervous that PT would walk into my bedroom just as I was poking myself! I also pictured my puppy jumping up and causing some sort of mishap. I know that it will get easier, by the time I have to add FSH I will be an old pro (although I will then have to fiddle with the FSH pen!). I have never been so happy to have a spare tire around my middle, I can’t even feel the needle go in. I wonder what ladies do with really flat, muscular tummies. Owchie mamma!

I ended telling C at work what was happening. I just feel like she should know (I already told P)…because I am going to be in and out of the office for appointments, and who knows what the meds will do to my emotions (not to mention the stress of the whole thing). I told her I think I am going to take the whole week of November 11 off. I was starting to worry that P and C were thinking I was just slacking off with my coming in late, saying I have “appointments”, etc. So I came clean. She seemed understanding. She is the one that just got married two weeks ago – she says that she wants to wait 10 years until they start having kids. Ugh. I said I wanted to wait 5 years after getting married, and look at me now.

So today I did something bad. I used IVF as an excuse not to go to work. I took 1/2 the day off yesterday for my injections class and so I felt bad taking another 1/2 day off work for the cable guy….so I called in and said I started my shots and didn’t feel well. I feel horribly guilty to use it as an excuse. Truth be told I barely slept last night because I was having anxiety about IVF. I had a horrible dream and woke up at midnight, and then I was wide awake until 4am when I finally turned on the reading lamp and started to read. Bad idea. I am reading a book called “The A.R.T. of Making Babies” and I was at the section of all the risks of IVF, birth defects, etc. No wonder I am having nightmares. So I probably would have been useless at work anyway, and I didn’t feel well for lack of sleep. But I added the part about the shots to make it sound more serious than just a bad night’s sleep. Ugh. I am a horrible person.

Last night I turned on the TV because PT and I were going to watch during dinner (yes, I know, it is a BAD idea to watch TV while eating dinner with your kids….and we don’t do it all the time!)…we had no picture. Then later I turned on the computer and we had no internet (which obviously made sense since we have cable internet). OMG. I take TV and the internet for granted! What did people do in colonial times! So I called the cable company and they said someone could come between 10am and 2pm. Fantastic – right in the middle of the day. I hate that. So that is why I didn’t go to work. I had to stay at home for the stupid cable people. It is so frustrating when something works one day and then the next day POOF nothing.

I took PT to school and then went straight to pick up some trashy magazines. The only reading I am doing right now is about IF and my head is about to explode. I really need to go to the library to pick up some fun reading. Anyway, I thought that trashy mags would be a good distraction since I couldn’t watch TV or go on the computer. Well — have you noticed that ALL trashy magazines are jam packed with baby news? There was a whole article about all the celebs having twins, about Nicole Ritchie’s pregnancy, about Jennifer Lopez’ pregnancy, about Trista Sutter’s new baby…baby, baby, baby. I got three magazines (People, two different US) and they were all the same. ARGHHH!

So at 1:45 I was about to go out of my mind, and I called the cable company. They said that someone should have called me because the technician wouldn’t be here until 4pm. I was literally going to cry. I was so mad. I wasted the whole freaking day…I could have done some errands but I didn’t want to leave my house!! The guy finally showed up and showed me this white cable and said that we needed to connect it to the TV. DUH. We were trying to fix it last night before I made the call, so that is why the cable was disconnected…I am not that dumb! The guy was bummed, he thought he was a genius and solved the problem in 1 minute. Not so fast, buster! So he goes outside, and comes back in saying, “Someone disconnected your cable outside”. WTF. These people are sub-moronic. A few weeks back (the end of September!) we called to have the cable disconnected from the big house because we were moving into the cottage. This was the same time we moved our cable service to the cottage. So the technician came and looked at the two houses (which have two separate addresses, mind you…) and decided to disconnect cable from the house we are currently living in. Hmmm. If you saw this:

lvngrm.jpg

Would you think you should leave the cable connection in tact, and disconnect the cable to the little cottage next door? Get a clue, people!!

 

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3 Responses to “Shoot ’em Up”

  1. Pamela Jeanne Says:

    You are not a horrible person. Getting ready for IVF is pretty traumatic. The surreal doctor office visits, mixing up scary scientific reading with emotional what ifs (hence the nightmares), the shots, the unnatural and (also scary) responses. And having to worry about what nosy, no-nothing colleagues are whispering. Get that cable back in working order, you need some mindless distractions working for you!

  2. kona Says:

    I understand the anxiety about the shots. I have a friend who needed a intramuscular trigger shot, and their fertility doc didn’t give them a class. She was worried her DH would hurt her when he injected her- since he never gave one before. So, went and gave it to her (being the injection professional that I am). I’m glad at least they help you know what to do!! You will be fine after some practice. I bet it’s a lot to take in-and it may feel kind of “clinical” and weird, but hopefully, it will get you to where you want to be. 😉

  3. Rebecca Says:

    Thanks for your kind words on my post. I’m impressed by how regularly you blog! I’m fully supportive of using IVF for a day off excuse. I used my cramps yesterday as a reason to stay home from work and it made me really happy.

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