Rough Start to the Day…

First of all, Happy Conception Day everyone! Remember to stay home from work today and procreate.

Ack. What a rough day already. I went to Starbucks as usual, and who should drive up, but X and PT. To MY Starbucks. First of all, I have to comment that I offered to pick up PT from X’s work in the morning (X is a 2nd grade teacher now) and drive PT to school so that she wouldn’t have to get to school too early. This would mean I would drive 10 miles to pick up PT and, and then 10 miles back to her school. You can drop the kids off as early as 8am but 8:15am the playground opens. If they get there before 8am, there is no adult supervision and I don’t like the idea. I was thinking that X must have to be at work at about the same time that PT needs to be at school, so this offer was to ensure that PT doesn’t get to school too early. Anyway, X said it was not a problem, she had plenty of time to get PT to school and then get to work on time. But today I saw them at the Starbucks one block from PTs school – it was only 7:25am. Meaning, PT is being dropped off at 7:30am. I know that X just didn’t want me to have any extra time with PT. She is so freaking selfish — it would allow PT to sleep in a little, it would be more convenient for X (her work is 1/2 way between PTs school and their house). And I was offering to be late to my work every day that I did this. Whatever. I was just trying to help.

Anyway, you should have seen the scene X made. I was pretty mortified. They did say good morning but it was very curt, like we were just distant acquaintances. PT smiled at me and said hi, but her mom had her in a death grip. Both of X’s arms were around PT’s shoulders, and she was squeezing and hugging and kissing her. Then she forced PT to turn so her back was facing me. I was standing in line a little behind them. There were other mom’s from PT’s school there. It really sucked. X always puts on this kind of show in front of other people. The other mom’s were looking at my with pity in their eyes…I was completely embarrassed. When X got her coffee, they marched out without saying goodbye.

I have been fucking raising this girl since she was 4 years old. And to be treated like I am a stranger really stinks. I called TW when I got in the car, and I was just bawling. I am sure that I am also being hyper sensitive with all my TTC issues, it is just really hard to be a step-mom when I am obsessed with TTC. This sucks, sucks, sucks.

On another note, I got a huge binder from Dr. Z’s office along with a packet of financial information. IVF IS EXPENSIVE, PEOPLE! They have some financial plans, but there are so many things that are extra, like ICSI and all the meds. I was flipping through the binder and reading the description of all the meds, and the needles and the instructions for taking each thing, and my heart started racing, and I started to cry! What is wrong with me?!?! It scares the shit out of me. I am so overwhelmed. Did others feel this way right before they started their first IVF cycle? I haven’t even picked a clinic yet and I am paralized with fear.

Please go over and say hi to Amy — she got great news yesterday! She saw Dr. Z as well, and her first IVF cycle stuck! Makes me lean towards Dr. Z, but I need to consult with the N Clinic before making a decision.


3 Responses to “Rough Start to the Day…”

  1. Pamela Jeanne Says:

    First, the conception day thing hit me over the head, too. And the double whammy — the projected birth date for those conceiving Sept. 12: June 12 — MY birthday. Now I’ll think about it everything my bday rolls around. Nice, huh?

    Second, I was paralyzed with fear the first time I saw the list of IVF meds, the protocols, shots and outrageous expenses. It’s daunting, but we made a schedule and took it one day at a time. You’ll be scoffing at the needles in no time.

    Wishing you all the best!

  2. babystep Says:

    Thanks, PJ

  3. Rebecca Says:

    I can’t believe that scene in Starbucks – X is such a bitch! I give you a lot of credit for staying in line and not leaving the store.

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