Out Damn Spot!

Okay, after my la, la, la look at my pretty chart, I started really spotting (I was still hoping that the spotting from yesterday was just a fluke). WTF. I am 11DPO and already spotting. And I am not stupid enough (after 15 cycles) to think OH! It is implantation spotting! Yeah, I did that for maybe 10 cycles but I have finally learned better. So much for worshipping my acupuncturist and vitamin B6. So – I fell off the wagon (or is it I am back on the wagon? I always forget if you are ON the wagon when you drink? Or OFF the wagon? Please enlighten me!). I had a couple of glasses of wine…why not?

I must be completely PMSing too. I am in the WORST mood. I tried to make some veggies for TW and he said the swiss chard was bitter and wouldn’t eat it. I tried to force feed him like a goose. Not really, but I was mad. So much for thinking he is such a great guy, he didn’t impregnate me AGAIN. Come on, throw me a bone!

I know better, but I couldn’t help but think up until this morning — maybe, maybe, maybe? My temps are high, I didn’t have any spotting, I had acupuncture, I exercised moderately, I didn’t drink alcohol, I didn’t have any caffeine, I ate healthy, I slept enough, we had sex at the perfect times, I wore Cleo’s necklace the whole time and even saw her image in the ceiling of K’s office, thinking it was “a sign”….maybe it is possible? How ironic/wonderful would it be to get a BFP the week of my first IVF consult? Against all odds?

But I guess these kind of surprise happy endings are not for me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.


3 Responses to “Out Damn Spot!”

  1. Chris Says:

    You are certainly not alone in wishing for a surprise ending before starting IVF. I’m right there with ya sister! I had the surprise ending in March. Truly thought I had dodged the big IVF bullet. Then the miscarriage in May. And yet, just 11 days ago I was still hoping for another surprise ending. Yup, I’m greedy about surprise endings. I wish you could have had the surprise ending.

  2. kona Says:

    Your happy ending might be right around the corner. I’m sorry it wasn’t this cycle. ;-( Maybe you will need the IVF to help get that BFP, but hang onto that hope! I am sorry to hear about the spotting. ;-( Enjoy a little wine! I think they say, “You fell off the wagon (when you drink). “

  3. Cece Says:

    So. I may be horrible. But now, I ALWAYS drink in my 2ww. I’ve been ttcing now for 28 cycles… and for the first 1 1/2 years, I was all no caffine, no sweeteners, folic acid, sex at the right time, visulizing the implanation, accupunture, no hot baths, no alcohol blah blah blah.

    Um. That didn’t work. I slowly started back with caffine.. and sweeteners…. and it’s a slipperly slope, let me tell you. But if you WERE prego? Not going to do any harm, but I’m sure you know that. I ended up switching docs – and she agrees that doing everything in moderation is fine. It’s not like I’m drunk every day or drinking 20 cups of coffee… but I do have a glass of wine (or 2 or 3) and a cup of coffee in the mornings.

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