The Pre-Teen going on 25

I have heard that kids mature a lot faster now than they did in the “old days” when I was a pre-teen. And maybe I just don’t remember clearly, since I was 11 years old in 1980. But I certainly don’t think I was as “advanced” as PT is. First of all, she is sprouting little boobies. Lately when she is in the shower, if I am in the bathroom, I keep trying to take a peek to see if she has any pubic hair. I haven’t seen any yet, but I am sure it is coming soon (sorry, is that totally horrible that I do that? I am just so curious!). I am pretty sure she is going to start her period any minute. She is tall and slim, and wants to wear make-up (which we don’t let her do)….sometimes she tries to “sneak” it like we won’t notice. I always notice and tell her to go and wash it off (it is hard not to notice, she tends to over-do it!). It is my fault that she even has make-up. I gave her a bunch of stuff to play around with when she used to play “dress-up” with her friends. She no longer plays dress-up, but she has the make-up.

These days the social scene is very different than when I was growing up. Now all the kids have cell-phones (PT got one from her mom but we don’t let her use it when she is at our house unless she is supervised), e-mail accounts, myspace pages. We watch her very carefully when she is on the computer, and myspace is a HUGE no-no. Chat rooms are forbidden. The hard part is that when she is at her mother’s house, she is not supervised and does all the things that we don’t allow her to do. The good part is that PT is the worst liar I have ever known. She has learned that I always know when she is lying, so now she doesn’t even bother. She tells me the truth even if it lands her in big-shit-trouble.

She is boy-crazy already. And she is very assertive and not shy or bashful at all. We will have our hands full. She has been e-mailing this boy that she has a crush on, I was looking over her shoulder. She told him that she can’t stop thinking about him and asked him how much he likes her. She asked him if they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and if they should start kissing!

OMG. The child is 11. She just finished the 5th grade. We are going to be in a LOAD of trouble if this is already starting. I told TW and he had a big talk with her, but the hard part is that her mother encourages this type of thing. Her mother treats her like a BFF instead of an 11 year old daughter. And with TW traveling so much (he will be gone all weekend) I have to be the evil step mother — I have rules, I enforce bed-time of 8:30, I watch her over her shoulder when she is on e-mail and I ask her lots of questions. Don’t get me wrong, we have a lot of fun too, but I figure if her mother isn’t going to act the part, then it is my job.

The custody arrangement is Friday – Friday, week on, week off. During the summer the exchange occurs at 9am on Friday morning. If PT is going to be with us for the week, we pick her up from her mother. If PT is going back to her mom’s for the week, her mother picks her up from us. During the school year the pick-up/drop off thing is at school. We drop PT off at school on Friday morning and her mom takes her home, and vise versa then next week. People always ask if this is hard for PT, but truth be told she has never known any other way. Her parents never married and they were only together until PT was 14 months old. She has been splitting her time ever since. The X is really a pain in the ass. I can tell you stories, and I am sure I will.

People warned me when I married a guy that already had shared custody of a kid. I poo-pooed them, saying I knew what I wanted and it would be fine. For the most part things are good. But things can get tough too.


5 Responses to “The Pre-Teen going on 25”

  1. Heather Says:

    BigP has a child from a previous relationship too…when we first got together I was upset he didn’t have a better relationship with his son. I really pushed him to be a better father (because I wanted him to be a father to our kids so I guess I wanted to see he had it in him). Now, I am so glad that we don’t have to deal with his X on a regular basis. I see what other people go through and how crazy his X is and I am just so thankful.

    You are totally going to have your hands full with her…especially with her mother letting her run amuck.

  2. babystep Says:

    Yes, count your blessings you don’t have to deal with an evil X. I am glad that my husband is such a good dad and so involved in his daughter’s life, but at the same time, I married someone with SO MUCH BAGGAGE it is hard to swallow sometimes. One of the things that really attracted me to my husband in the first place was how dedicated he is to his child. She was 4 when I met him and he is an amazing dad. Sometimes I worry that a child we have together won’t get the same amount of attention and love…something I have thought about a lot. But maybe that is just a crazy thought.

  3. Ashley Bass Says:

    I am glad to see you taking the responsibility to do what is right even though her own mother can’t do that. It is also great that TW supports you on this. And yes, looks like you are going to have your hands full!

  4. kona Says:

    My niece is only 12 and I hear she has a *boyfriend*. Call me old fashioned, but I’m not letting my 12 year old daughter date boys. That’s way too young! I remember having crushes on boys at age 11-12, but you are right- they do grow up fast these days. I won’t even share how old I was for my 1st boyfriend/ 1st love…as it would seem so old nowadays! LOL! There’s nothing wrong with waiting. What’s the hurry to grow up? I think it’s TV/media and society changing. If you look in the girls’ dept at the dept store, some of the clothes they sell are not even remotely appropriate for young girls (t-shirts with glitter saying “hottie”). Yikes! ;-0

  5. Yodasmistress Says:

    Wow. At 11? I had my first kiss at 13. Though too much stuff followed in quick succession thereafter. *blush*

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