Dig Dig Dig Dig Diggity Dog (and a couple of other things)

The dog has a thing for marrow bones but they are so rich I only give him one every couple of weeks. Any more and he farts all night, cloying clouds of green gas that hang around my head and threaten to asphyxiate me in my sleep. Four days ago I gave him a marrow bone and he seemed super excited. The next thing I knew, he was lying on the bed without a bone. Hmmmm? WTF did he do with the bone? Usually he goes to town on the bone, chewing and gnawing it until every last morsel of delicious marrow and gristle is just a distant memory (until he starts farting). This time it was like the bone had never existed. I wandered around the house looking for it to no avail. But then hours later, he was out in the yard and I heard a very strange shuffling sound. I went to investigate, and he was delicately pawing at the gravel on the side of the house. He was digging with his nose as well, until he found what he was looking for. The bone, now marinated in dirt, rock, and 100 degree heat. He promptly brought it inside and dropped it on the carpet. JOY! I took it away from him and picked all the pebbles off, and then I washed the dirt off. I gave the bone back to him and sure enough — a few minutes later he was lounging on the couch sans bone.

I promptly forgot about the putrid bone until this morning. Sitting at the table with my morning cup of decaf and my laptop, I looked to my left and saw what looked like a giant dirt clod or *GASP* a big poop. I yelled, “WHAT IS THAT??”. It was very dark brown all over, and there was a trail of dirt leading to the dog door. PT said, “IT’S THE BONE!!!”. I took a closer look and sure enough, it was the bone. This time it was coated in a 1/2 inch thick layer of mud. There were bugs on it, and pebbles and it smelled like FISH. Dogs are so disgusting. He must have thought it was too clean and decided to let it rot for a few days before it was a true puppy delicacy. This time I wouldn’t touch the damn thing with a ten foot pole. The dog ended up sampling it this morning, and he is STILL munching on it two hours later. Forgive me for washing your bone, dear dog! I am sorry I got rid of so many of the germs and bacteria and dirt and grime that you had to incubate it for three more days before it was edible again!

Yesterday I took my mom for a manicure/pedicure and lunch — I gave her a gift certificate for mother’s day and yesterday was the day we went. I always feel bad when I spend any time with my mom. I take deep breaths before I see her, but after about 20 minutes she is SO annoying I catch myself giving her the evil eye when she isn’t watching. My friend is married to an Iranian guy, and he translates that from Farsi as “Giving someone the left-left” because both eyes are looking left at the person. So I was giving my mom the “left-left”. But here is an example of an interaction with my mom. We were walking down the street to the nail salon and she said, “So, SIL finally e-mailed me back….OH! Polish Deli! Huh!! A Polish Deli!…Oh…where are we going? Here? Here?” and she walks into a random hair salon. I had to follow her in and drag her out. She reads every sign she sees out loud, even when she is in the middle of a sentence. She also has to comment any time she sees an East Indian (she is Indian too), and she says, “Indians are everywhere!”…then she starts counting the number of BMWs that she sees, and any time she sees a police car she exclaims, “OH! The police!” like they are hunting her down. She would be much more pleasant if we removed her vocal chords. Then at the nail place, I was watching her read a trashy magazine. She “reads” it backwards — she starts at the back and turns the pages towards the front. And it is like she cannot move her eyeballs independently — she moves her whole head in dramatic jerky movements like a bird. Up, down, up, down, left, right, up. Flip page, repeat.

This morning TW and I were both on our laptops, and the nerd that I am, I always IM him when I see that he is logged in. Here is an excerpt to give you an idea of our maturity.

Me: POO POO
TW: STINKY
Me: STINKY POO POO BUTT
TW: I love the dog

Lately TW has this thing about saying, “I love the dog”. It is like his mantra or something. He will burst into this phrase at any given moment. Lately he has called me at work just to say, “I love the dog”. And sometimes I get an e-mail from him that only says, “I love the dog” or a voicemail that says, “I love the dog”. I think he was bumped on the head recently.

Would you cry? Or is it just me….

First of all, I forgot to take my BCP yesterday morning (my last one!). I was completely stressed out about it, and was tempted to march out of work, drive all the way home, and take it. Then I decided to be rational (yes, I can still do that sometimes!) and called the IVF clinic. The nurse told me not to worry, just to take it when I get home. Yay. I haven’t managed to forget the shots yet, so that is good!

Okay, so here is what happened this morning while I was getting ready for work. Bailey (the choco lab puppy who comes with the contractor) came prancing through the dog door as usual, this time while I was in the shower. When I got out, the dogs were outside playing. I started to make the bed and I noticed that my teddy bear that I have had since I was a baby (my mom’s friend got it for me for my first birthday and I still sleep with it!) was missing from the bed. I just KNEW it wasn’t good. I made TW go outside to look and sure enough it was outside. The face had been eaten off and there is a huge hole in the butt, and it was covered in dirt and grime and slime. I bawled non-stop for about 1/2 an hour and was late for work. I am still almost crying just thinking about my poor teddy bear. I am not sure if this is normal for a 38 year old woman to cry over a stuffed animal, but I can’t help it. I know it wasn’t my dog’s fault because he is past the puppy stage of chewing and stealing everything and he has left the teddy bear alone for the last 6 months(thank Goodness!), so it was definitely Bailey. I took it out on my puppy though…he came in when I was crying and I said, “Bad Dog” and wouldn’t let him near me. TW had to intervene. I know that wasn’t fair of me, poor puppy. Ack. I am a total mess.

A Day In The Life.

P.S. I am sitting at my home office, and construction is going on all around me. Jack-hammers and chain saws in my ears. There is a bright green porta-potty in my front yard. No sentiments, they are just tearing the place down around me. *whimper*. Not really. We have been waiting for this moment for TWO YEARS. I can’t believe it is finally happening!

Yesterday I took Sutter to the dog park. It amazes me how often there are opportunities to talk about IF, and the question is — should I say something or not? The characters in the story will be identified by the dog’s names. I have been going to this dog park 4-5 times a week for the last 6 months, so I have made some friends…we haven’t done anything outside of hanging out at the dog park, but I am always happy to see them when I am there (plus Sutter loves the dogs!)

First, I was talking to Marlo’s mom about random things. Mostly about our puppies and what freaks they are at 8 months. Sutter and Marlo have been in puppy school since they were 10 weeks old. I think they are in love with each other.  So I have gotten to know Marlo’s mom and dad pretty well over the last few months. I mentioned that TW was out of town, and so I was going to pick up sushi to take home with me (TW isn’t a sushi fan like I am). Marlo’s mom said, “I love sushi!” and then immediately, “but I can’t eat it right now”. OMG. Is she pregnant??? The expression on her face after she blurted it out was one of a little surprise…like she shouldn’t have said it. I glanced at her tummy - flat as ever. Maybe she just found out? I was burning to say something but kept it to myself. I am still dying to ask her, but don’t know if I should. The moment has passed. She has been married just over a year….that’s it. I of course assume that they decided to start trying and got pregnant the first month. According to my RE at the IVF clinic, that is how it happens for 1 out of every 4 couples!!!

Later, I was talking to Marlo’s mom and Maddie’s mom. They have both met PT several times. Maddie’s mom commented on how tall PT is. This question, although very innocent, always gets to me. Because PT is taller than I am, and she is only 11 years old. I am 5 foot 2 on a good day. PT’s mother is almost 6 feet tall! People always comment on PT’s height, and then I have to tell them, well, her MOTHER is tall. And then inevitably the next set of questions is: OH! How long were TW and X married? And “Isn’t it hard being a step-mom?” And “Isn’t it hard on PT to go back and forth between houses?” BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I should tape record my answers and play them back. It is always the exact same thing. *SIGH*.

Marlo and Maddie’s moms know that PT is my step-daughter so it wasn’t that big a deal when Maddie’s mom commented on PT’s height. I told her that X is super tall and then she asked me all sorts of questions - do I get along with X, does TW get along with X, etc. And then. The. Next. Inevitable. Question.

“Don’t you want kids of your own?????”

Fuck. I HATE this. I usually just say, “We are talking about it”, or something like that. Maddie’s mom is a single 34 year old, looking for a husband (or boyfriend for that matter)…so I am sure she has her own struggles. For all I know she looks at my life - house in a nice town, step-daughter, dog, cute husband, etc. - and is envious of me! Everything is relative, right? In any event, I answered the question with: “We are working on it but it isn’t happening”. She hesitated and said, “OH! Well….sorry…..” I told her not to worry about it. WHY do people think asking if I want kids is an appropriate question if they don’t want the real answer? I felt like I should elaborate, so I said, “You know, we have been married 5 years and we wanted to wait a little while, but now I am getting old and things aren’t happening as quickly as we would like”. Then Maddie’s mom and Marlo’s mom both asked me how old I was, and said I look so young, and blah, blah, blah. At that moment two guys came and sat at our table so we changed the subject abruptly. Maddie’s mom was occupied talking to the men, and Marlo’s mom leaned over to me and said, “There is this great book…do you mind talking about this?” and I told her it was fine. So she said, “There is this great book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility…”. OMG. I almost started laughing out loud!!! I told her I have it, that I have practically memorized it, and that I am addicted to taking my BBT. She looked a little embarrassed and was quiet. I then leaned over to her and said, “We have tried everything, we are going to do IVF”. Something about the conversation seemed to tell me she isn’t pregnant yet. Maybe she is trying and isn’t eating sushi just to be precautious…maybe she is just in her 2ww. Do people buy the TCOYF book if they have JUST started? My gut tells me it is usually after a few months of trying without luck.

Later, Jake’s mom and and dad showed up at the dog park. They are in their early 40s. I was chatting with them, small talk, and then mentioned that my house was about to be demo’d for a remodel. Jake’s dad asked me what we were doing to the house, and I told him we were making a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house into a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom. Guess what he said: “You only have one kid, right”? I said, “Yes”. And he said, “What, are you planning to have two or three more kids?” WHY?!?!? Why does everyone always go straight to these questions? So I said, “Actually we are planning to have 10 more kids and then we are going to call Extreme Home Makeover.”

Mind you, these three interactions were all within my one hour stint at the dog park last night. I want to put a stamp on my forehead that says, “Please don’t ask me about kids unless you want the gory details”.

I feel a little better.

I think that my GD (Gloom and Doom) was a menstrual hormone induced depression. AF is on her way out and I am feeling better. But I don’t like that my ‘baseline anxiety’ has been elevated lately, my heart feels like it is racing and I am not sleeping well. But I definitely feel better than two days ago.

Yesterday morning was Sutter’s first day of “Advanced Skills” training class. The poor puppy…the other three classes we went to were about 1/2 free play and 1/2 training. This class was all business. There wasn’t one second of free play and Sutter was SO PISSED. There were 12 dogs and they were not supposed to even look at one another. If he could speak, he would have said, “This is NOT what I signed up for!”. There were two skills/tricks we were supposed to teach. One was to say a command like, “Are you sad?” or “Are you bored?” (I am supposed to say it, not Sutter!) and the dog is supposed to put his head on the ground, chin flat on the floor. Not happening. The second trick was to make the dog wave. Sutter never got the concept of “Shake” so how I am going to make him wave is beyond me! Even the trainer couldn’t make him do it. He is one stubborn puppy! He was just looking at me like, “WTF do you want from me!” I am really motivated to work with him between classes, I don’t want him turning out to be the class dunce.

Yesterday afternoon TW and I took a long bike ride and had lunch together. It was nice to just hang out, just the two of us, in a leisurely way. It helps to get out in the fresh air and it wasn’t too hot. After the long ride back I had a hankering for pizza. TW wasn’t into it but said, “Doesn’t a burger sound really good?” So then I had a hankering for a burger. But then TW said he was too full from lunch! So he told me to eat a snack and that we would go later. So I hate some Special K Vanilla Almond and then I was full. When TW was ready for dinner, I didn’t want to go! What a pair we make. He ended up eating a can of split pea soup, and I made myself some eggs later on. Oh well. Maybe we can get pizza or burgers tonight.

Sorry I am so boring today, really nothing to report.

A spoonful of sugar…

To try and make me feel better, I went here:

http://dailypuppy.com/index.php?itemid=1213

That is my puppy, featured on the Daily Puppy. Scroll down to see a bunch of his pix. What a cutie-puh-tootie he is (was). He is no longer the angelic puppy he once was. Now he is a teenage terror. But I still love him!

Puppies and the long weekend

I know I probably shouldn’t post more than once per day, but oh well. I don’t even know if anyone is reading this blog for Christ’s Sake! Anyway, just wanted to let you know (if you are even out there) that I will be heading out to the boonies for the weekend to visit with my brother and SIL who are out here from the East Coast. They have a ranch (well it is my brother’s FIL’s ranch). Did I mention this? Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing them but at the same time they invited a million people I don’t know, so I know I won’t have any quality time with the brudah. They also invited me to the weekend when they are having the big BBQ with all their friends with small kids (or babies on the way). JOY. So, I will be back on Sunday night and won’t be posting until then. I am sure that I will have some good stories as my SIL is a passive aggressive BEE-ATCH most of the time.

On another note, my BFF J2 is adopting a puppy from the rescue organization where I volunteer. I am so excited for her…this is her very first fur baby. She just got married this summer so they decided to take the plunge and get a doggie to make the family complete (for now)…here are some pictures of the fur baby (her name is Peanut!) for your viewing pleasure. Isn’t she adorable! I am so happy for J2! (P.S. The girl holding the puppy in the last picture is not me…she is the daughter of the lady who is fostering the litter. Oh how I wish I was that skinny!)

 

Puppies don’t worry

This morning my puppy jumped on the bed at about 3am and snuggled against my stomach, resting his head on my hip. Usually he is not that snuggly anymore — he was a total love bug when he was a small pup, but somehow he has gotten more aloof. The usual routine is when we go to bed, he leaves us and goes to the couch in the living room. Then at about 5am, he ends up at the foot of our bed.

Being a puppy (a well cared for puppy) is such a zen state of being. I am quite sure he lives in the moment, he doesn’t worry about where his next meal is coming from, let alone what his chances of conceiving would be (if he weren’t snipped that is). I need to take a lesson from my puppy.

So I enjoyed the warm, furriness of him snuggled up against my tummy. There is nothing like it. I felt his warm breath and heard his tiny snores. I imagined his positive and happy energy going straight into my ovaries, priming them to get pregnant.

Yesterday my OB told me that my ovaries looked perfect and that I would be in very good shape to get pregnant this month. She said to try and that she hopes to see me on her OB list in September. I know that the chances of this are slim to none with the male factor issue, but a girl can dream, right?

Puppy Love

Doggie”C” –on watch. She was always on the look out. May she rest in peace.

Have you noticed that those TTC #1 are in love with their furry babies, maybe more than the rest of the general population? Some people don’t get it, but I literally feel like I gave birth to my puppy. Maybe that will change when I actually have a human baby, but for now, the connection I feel to my puppy is so strong. I think about him all the time, I feel a pull to come home to him, I worry about him constantly. Is that normal or totally neurotic? I lost my blue eyed doggie “C” to cancer in January. It was the most horrible thing i have ever experienced to date. She went through two surgeries, chemo, radiation, and acupuncture. I did everything I could and it was definitely time for her to say goodbye to this world. I still cry about her almost every day, even with puppy “S” in my life now. I did not get puppy “S” to replace doggie “C” — no way. But the house was so empty and quiet without some furry love, especially with TW gone so much. I volunteer at a rescue org and I met puppy “S” and just had to take him home. So he is my love bug, but doggie “C” is still deep in my heart and always will be. You gotta love the doggies.

Here is Puppy “S” when we first got him.